Ever heard of the show "Naked and Afraid"? That's what I call hide-and-seek with my uncle.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
Whoever invented the knock-knock joke should get a "no bell" prize.
I got a PS5 for my brother, best trade I've ever made.
Someone asked me if I've ever tried to kill myself. I responded, "Absolutely. A few times actually. I'm just not very good at it."
Roses are red, violets are blue. If you ever feel alone, I'm always watching you.
If you're ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?
Me: Have you ever went sky diving?
Friend: No.
Me: Well don't, it sucks.
Friend: Why?
Me: They gave me a parachute and I lived.
I donated 100 dollars to a blind children’s charity. Too bad they won’t ever see a dime of it.
Have you ever tried eating a clock? It's really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.
Friend #1: "Yo guys, what's the most unfair game you've ever played? For me it's Fortnite."
Friend #2: "I'd have to say Monopoly."
Me: "The most unfair game you say? Life, definitely. Like, no one wins, it's a one-way game."
Friend #2: "Uhh...that's not exactly what he meant..."
Friend #1: *calls the suicide hotline*
When I die, can someone play "Best Day Ever" during my funeral?
I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. A week later, he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.
Expresso, expresso, no more depresso!
Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.
Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?
Then there is me: My life.
Ever wonder where people got their surnames? Mr. Baker was probably a baker. Mr. Butcher was probably a butcher. And then there was Mr. Dickinson...
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
How to tell if you're depressed? You came to a website called "worst jokes ever.com" looking for a quick smile.
To everyone saying, "Don't joke about suicide, it's not even funny to laugh about people dying." Do you think we have it easy? Have you ever thought these jokes were helping us to cope? Mind your own business and don't make assumptions on people you know nothing about, please and thanks.
I won't ever forget my dad's last words: "OH GOD THE POLICE!!!"
