Event jokes
Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.
Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."
9/11
Where did Sally go after the explosion?
Everywhere.
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
I was in a bar in Italy. Me and a hot chick got along, so I asked her for her number. I remembered that there was a pen in my pocket, but when I searched, it was nowhere to be found. I turned back, then I saw Pessi running with it. Shame on you, Pessi, for ruining my night! 😭
This kid yelled "Jenga" when we were watching a 9/11 documentary.
It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
Q: Who are the fastest readers in the world?
A: The 9/11 victims. They went through 20 stories in seconds.
Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.
What is the worst thing about your birthday being on September 11?
Party crashers.
What do your BF and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both never get erect.
It was 9/10.
You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.
My Dad: Son, history always repeats itself.
Me: So you're gonna leave me again?
Why was the number 10 scared? Because bro was stuck between 9/11.
Why were the Twin Towers workers disappointed? Because they ordered a ham and cheese, but all they got was a plane.
My mate caught me sniffing his disabled sister's knickers the other day. It wouldn't have been so bad, but she was wearing them at the time. It made the rest of the funeral so awkward.
What do you name a family reunion of an orphan?
"Me time."