Ceremony jokes
"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?
Panera Wed.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.