Ceremony jokes

"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"

"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.

what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?

Panera Wed.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

Bean Dip.

At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.

Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!

Why was baptism invented?

How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.

I was always poked and told at weddings your next...

So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....

How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?

He toasts the groom.

My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}

What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?

Burial grounds.

At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.

You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.

Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?

Yes, best comedy award.

"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.

Come, my children, to the bread cult!

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.