"I hate going to weddings, because the old lady next to you always whispers in your ear, 'You're next.' So I started doing the same to them at funerals, 'You're next.'"
Ceremony Jokes
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
what do you call it when you get married in Panera Bread?
Panera Wed.
What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.
What do you call a Mexican Baptism?
Bean Dip.
At my funeral, take the bouquet off the coffin and throw it into the crowd to see who's next.
Two antennas got married on a roof. The ceremony was horrible, but the reception was great!
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
Baptism, a chance for the priest to bathe you.
How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?
He toasts the groom.
You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.
That's why priests invented baptism.
My mom said I need Jesus in my life, so I drunk up the holy water ;}
I was always poked and told at weddings your next...
So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
What kind of coffee do they serve at funerals?
Burial grounds.
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.
Hey, did you know that 9/11 won a Grammy?
Yes, best comedy award.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
"Spray and pray," also known as a priest with an altar boy.
Come, my children, to the bread cult!
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.