Ceremony jokes
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
"Our teen has decreed we are the 'Worst Parents Ever.' We will hold our coronation ceremony to accept this honor next Friday. Invitations to follow."
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.
I put the fun in funeral.
I thought gender reveal parties were only for newborns, not for teenagers.
At weddings, old people tell kids, "You're next!"
At funerals, little kids tell old people, "You're next!"
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”
Two WiFi routers got married. The ceremony was OK, but the reception was amazing.
Why are orphan weddings so entertaining?
They get to walk themselves down the aisle.
Which is the worst place to sit at in a wedding?
Between 2 buttcheeks.
Why do priests dunk babies in water at their baptism? Because it's important to wash your sex toys.
Do you know why orphans can't get married? Because they will never get their parents' blessing.
What are the wedding vows of a suicide bomber?
Til death do we park.
Before you leave that marriage, remember that one innocent 🐐 goat was killed for your traditional marriage. 😔
Why was the people's wedding so miserable...
'Cause during the kiss someone farted so loud and stinky, they agreed to never try to have another wedding.
So, a man goes to church and is dipped in water three times by a Priest as he says, "From now on your name is Michael, and you will shed your sins of gambling and alcohol."
Soon after, the man heads home and rushes to the fridge to grab a can of beer. He turns on the sink and dips the beer can in the water three times while saying, "From now on you will be known as Not Alcohol."
"I’m sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing.
Except at a funeral.
Why was baptism invented?
How else was a priest supposed to clean his sex toys?
I was always poked and told at weddings your next... So I went to funerals and poked them and said your next.....
At every funeral, it's a try-not-to-say-"big mood"-challenge for me.