Event jokes
Q. What do you get when you cross Vince Li with a bus? A. A whole lot of people who wished they'd missed the bus that day.
I'm afraid for my gay calendar. Its days are numbered!
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A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.
He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.
He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.
Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
Can emo kids get a happy birthday?
Who are the Fastest Readers in the world?
9/11 victims: They read 87 stories in 10 seconds.
What ended in 1999? 1998.
Why are the 9/11 survivors the fastest readers in the world? Because they went down 109 stories in 10 seconds.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
What's the one school event that orphans don't go to?
Parents' evening.
At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.
The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologized to the Olympic Committee after realizing that sailing and shooting were two separate events.
What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?
She choked.
She blew on it, and it went hard.
Ur family reunion, a homosexual communion.
Everyone, take off your pride flags; it's already a new month.
Why is there no invitation to an internet party for those with laptops? Everyone can get in.
Where did Suzie go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.
Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.
Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.
Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.
Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.
Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.
Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.
Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)
Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.
Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.
Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.
Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.
Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.
So it is women who have more rights.
So shut up, feminists, please.
What time is it? It's time for lunch.
*Quoted by Bubble Guppies*
How do you fit three flags on a bar stool?
Flip it over!