Employment jokes

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

- I work with animals.

- Great! What job?

- A butcher.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance on the cliff, so I pushed her over because I lost my balance!

💪 💪 🏋️‍♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?

Cum Junkie.

How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?

Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.

My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.

But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.

Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.

"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"

"Yale."

"And what was your name again?"

"Yackson."

I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.

I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!

My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...

I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.

But I got fired from that job.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.

I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.

I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!