Employment jokes
Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.
He was fired from his job.
A guy sees a kid crying, and the guy walks up to the kid and asks, "Where are your parents?"
God, I love working at an orphanage!
I used to work at a T-shirt factory before the company folded.
Why do women need a pay rise? Isn't the glass ceiling high enough?
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!
(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)
MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?
BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!
MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?
BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!
MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?
BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.
MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.
BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!
(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)
MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!
Job sucks. XD
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *pauses porn* Why?
Jobs,
50 shapes head.
Why did the dwarf get a job at Lidl?
Because every Lidl helps.
Some people don't appreciate what I do for a living. oo----- ()
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
What person can't work at a family business? An orphan.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
Why did Stephen Hawking get sacked from his job?
Because he was always rolling in late.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!