Employment jokes
I got fired from the M&M Factory because I sorted out the W's.
I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!
I lost my job at the bank. Some lady asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
Mommy, mommy! Do we own a sweatshop?
Shut up and keep sewing!
The best part of working at an orphanage is you can give them family-size chips.
Why does Zac say he works at McDonald's? Because Aaron go errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Treon: I don't care about Vorkie.
Amber: You should, she could be a great person for the company.
Treon: We don't need another one, we got 100 people in here, no need. Now, Amber, please just go make yourself useful.
Amber: Fine!!!!!
How did the bullet lose its job? It got fired!
I saw a little kid cry. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. Jeez, I love working at the orphanage!
My sister lost two things today:
1: Her virginity.
2: Her job at the zoo.
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
I got to work.
Ben: Oh no, my boss is here. I hate my job and I'm terrified of my boss.
Ben: Uh, hey, hey Mr. Boss.
Boss: Have a nice day.
Ben: Ok, bye!
Boss:??
I make many jokes about jobless people, but none of them are working.
My local pet store sells prong collars to get dogs to behave.
But when I tried them on an Alzheimer's patient, I got fired from the nursing home.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.