Employment jokes
Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.
"Dick, you're fired."
"I'd buy that for a dollar."
How does a pimp answer when asked why he chose his occupation?
Answer: He wanted a stable source of income.
My boss found my permanent record at the orphanage, and he’s mad. I got fired...
I have said a ton of jokes in my lifetime.
But I got fired from that job.
One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.
And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.
And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.
Today sucked. My girlfriend got hit by a car, and I lost my job as an Uber driver.
💪 💪 🏋️♂️ What do you get when you cross a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a bukkake slut, and a physically disabled gay white male who works out at the gym, who is a sex worker?
Cum Junkie.
I saw a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working at the orphanage!
Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?
I tried to hit G by putting D.
"Where did you learn to do bookkeeping?"
"Yale."
"And what was your name again?"
"Yackson."
Yo Mama is so dumb, she works best when she is unemployed.
A down-on-his-luck Newfoundlander takes a job in Toronto. He hates every minute of it. The housing is overpriced, the traffic a bottleneck. Frustrated, he starts saving every penny until he can buy a car to go home to the outport.
Eventually someone takes pity on him and offers to sell him a car with no reverse for fifty bucks.
"I takes it!" the Newfie replies, "because I don't intends on coming back anyway."
I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.
I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
Why did the booty get a job?
To make ends meet!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.
About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."
Today; worst day ever.
My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.