Employment jokes

Do you know how I lost my music teacher job?

I tried to hit G by putting D.

"Dick, you're fired."

"I'd buy that for a dollar."

Yo mama so ugly, when she entered the scare factory, she came out with a job application.

Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

I got fired from the library in the first 30 minutes because I "womens rights" in the sci-fi fiction section.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

Why did the booty get a job?

To make ends meet!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To get to his job at KFC!

I gave up my seat to blind lady because she couldn't find any--let's just say I lost my job as a bus driver.

So, this guy, right? He has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog.

About 2 weeks after he loses everything, he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "What do you mean by 'blowing chunks'?" says the boss. The man replies with, "Chunks is the name of my dog..."

Today; worst day ever.

My annoying sibling got hit by a train, and I lost my job as a conductor.

Neona (😟): I bet you I'm not going to get that job at all!

Gwen (😌): Yeah well, I believe in you.

Neona (😔): You got the job, and am I still waiting for them to call me and remind me that I will, but I won't get it. Anyway, I need to prepare for a job that I won't get.

Gwen (😠): Neona, you just don't got enough confidence. You got to have confidence in life. I know you will get the job. I do now. Just believe instead of giving up!

Neona (😞): UGH fine!!!

Gwen (😉): I'll see you at that job interview!!!! Put a smile on your face, too!

Neona (😊): Okay...Gwen, you're the best!

I have a great job for you, but you have to start it off...

Knock, knock...

Who's there?

I don't know?!?

We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.

There was a house with a three-story building.

The first one had Mexicans.

The second one had Africans.

The third one had white people.

An earthquake came.

But who did survive?

The white family because they were at work.

Why can't orphans work at S. C. Johnson? Because it's a family company.

I think I might apply for a job cleaning mirrors.

It’s a job I can see myself doing.

Q: Where does a one-legged waitress work?

A: IHOP.

What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?

Not getting the job at McDonald’s.

I went to an interview and my future boss said, "Hi, my name is Watt Niseto, meet you."

Then said, "WHAT IS UR NAME?" He then said,

"What is not my name, Watt is." So I replied, "Ugh fine, I guess I'll call you Wha." Then he said, "Wha I not my name."

And then I said, "Ugh fine, my name is Will Knott." He then replied, "Hi Will Not."