Employment Jokes

(BILL is sitting in the waiting room, fidgeting with his tie. MR. SMITH enters with a clipboard.)

MR. SMITH: (sternly) Good morning, Bill. Ready for your interview?

BILL: (nervously) Uh, yes, sir! I’ve prepared a lot for this!

MR. SMITH: (raising an eyebrow) Great! Let’s start with an easy question. Why do you want this job?

BILL: (confidently) Well, I want to help your company succeed! I believe in hard work and dedication!

MR. SMITH: (nods) Good to hear. Now, what’s your biggest weakness?

BILL: (eyes widening) I tend to be overly honest.

MR. SMITH: (leaning in) That’s not really a weakness.

BILL: (smirking) I don’t care what you think!

(MR. SMITH pauses, surprised, then bursts out laughing.)

MR. SMITH: (laughing) Okay, you’re hired! We need more honesty around here!

I want to write some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them works.

What do you call a rapper who works at the BANK?

Lil Teller

Why did the Invisible Man turn down a job offer? He couldn’t see himself doing it.

Why did the dwarf work at Tesco?

Because every little bit helps!

There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. I love working at an orphanage.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

Why did the booty get a job?

To make ENDS MEET

Got fired from the bank yesterday.

They caught me drinking on the job.

We stopped by the reception desk, but the receptionist informed us, "I am wan kin the manager." So we just left in disgust!

I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.

I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.

Man, I love working at the orphanage.

I think i would like a job cleaning mirrors, it's just something I could really see myself doing.

What’s worse than getting a job at McDonald’s?

Not getting the job at McDonald’s.

Today was the worst day of my life. My ex got hit by a school bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.

I’ll make a joke about homeless people, but they just don’t work.

So this guy right, he has been through the worst shit in his life. He lost his house, his car, his wife, his kids, everything except his dog. About 2 weeks after he loses everything he goes to apply for a job. He attends work for the first 2 weeks to get his first paycheck and then calls in sick for about a month. He comes back to his boss' office after the month is over and his boss questions him. The man claims, "Sir, I was blowing chunks." "what do you mean by 'blowing chunks' ?" says the boss. The man replies with, " Chunks is the name of my dog..."

Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

Me: Spanish teacher why do we need to learn Spanish? Teacher: because you might go to Mexico and start a job Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?

I got fired from the library. What did I do? I only put a book on women's rights in the fiction section.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.