Employment jokes

A man goes into a job interview and sits down.

The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"

The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"

The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"

The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."

Wood-fired pizza.

How would pizza get a job now?

Business Interview With Depression Inside my brain...

Me: So... You're new? Depression: (I don't know who he is yet) mHMMMmmm! Me: Well what are your skills? Depression: Oh, taking control and leading... You know... Me: What are you trying out for? Depression: Oh, Vice Leader of Negative Thoughts. Me: Well we do need someone over there- for somewhat reason nobody wanted that job... Me: How did you know about us? Depression: Oh- I knew because of Anxiety, you know, we're friends! Me: Interesting... (Still has no idea about Anxiety and it's problemos) Me: Well I think you're signed up! I'll give you the job! Depression: tHaNKS :)

AND THATS HOW MY LIFE GOT DESTROYED :]

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

What do you call an unemployed Rastafarian?

Jah Bless.

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

Be grateful:

You're missing work today because in the past, someone cared enough to leave that banana peel on the stairs.

I got fired from a pickle factory for getting my finger caught in a slicer. They only gave *her* the day off with pay... unfair!

I saw this kid sitting on the sidewalk and asked him where are his parents?

I love working at an orphanage.

Little boy: Momma?

Mom: Yes, my dear.

Little boy: One day I wanna work in McDonald's.

Mom: Why!?

Little boy: Just to see if their ice cream machine is actually broken.

Some people don't appreciate what I do for a living. oo----- ()

Suicidal people are a big contributor to the rope making industry.

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

I got my job at a bank and lost the job the day I got it. A lady asked me to check her balance... so I pushed her!

If wishes were horses, Beggars would ride.

If turnips were watches, I would wear one by my side.

And if if's and an's were pots and pans, The tinker would never work!

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Cause it's a family company.

I have some jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato clock.

The shop keeper said, "I don't know what a potato clock is."

The man said, "Me neither, but I'm starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9, so I'd have to get a potato clock."