Employment jokes

You're so ugly that when you came out of the haunted house, you had a job offer.

I see that you start work at 9am, but your hairline starts at 9:15am.

Q: Why did the Queer get fired from the sperm bank?

A: He got caught drinking on the job.

How can a gay man that is unemployed be productive in the workplace?

Give a blowjob to other gay men in the workplace for money.

Me: Spanish teacher, why do we need to learn Spanish?

Teacher: Because you might go to Mexico and start a job.

Me: Why would I want to sell drugs?

So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"

Why can't he say that?

Answer: He works at an orphanage.

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"

- I work with animals.

- Great! What job?

- A butcher.

My job is so amazing.

Today a man asked me to check his balance, so I pushed him over. His balance isn't good.

Why did the man get fired from work? Because he took two days off in February.

I got fired for not doing enough work.

Guess I didn’t put enough backbone into it.

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him, "Where are your parents?"

Bad move, I got fired from my job at the Orphanage.

Did you hear the one about the Polish elevator operator? He was fired because he couldn't learn the route.

My ex got hit by a bus yesterday. I nearly lost my job.

Why would a man spend his whole career at a barn?

Because it's stable.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star.

He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him.

The next job he got was pumping petrol. Halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.

Your hairline is so curved that McDonald's hired you to be their "M."

Boss: Have a good day.

Me: *goes home*

What do you call a Mexican without a lawnmower?

Unemployed.