When it's ready for pickup today, I have to get my stimulus payment for a while, and then we'll go to bed... π₯±π₯Ήπ₯Ί
Why does Africa have no pharmacies? Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.
Yo mama's so poor, the ducks throw bread at her.
Yo mama's so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
Which nut is worth the most? A cashew.
So a lady came up to me today at the bank, and she asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What's the difference between an orphanage and a supermarket?
People actually want stuff in a supermarket.
At least if you're fat you don't need to put as much bathwater in the bath.
Why do they call it America when literally nothing is free?
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
*Breaking News!* - Apparently the first person in Melbourne has died because of the Coronavirus. In his house they found 1000 cans of food, 50 kilos of pasta, 80 kilos of rice, 300 toilet rolls and 50L of hand sanitiser which he had panic purchased from the supermarket and stockpiled "just in case".
The whole lot collapsed and buried him.
Call me a bad economy with high interest rates and low spending, 'cause I'm in a great depression.
I have so many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.
I have many jokes about unemployed people, but sadly, none of them seemed to have worked.
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? She can wash her crack and resell it.
Why can't homeless people buy a house?
'Cause they live on the streets.
My dad owns a countertop store and sometimes he'll barter.
A lot of the time he will take things for granite.
A lot of counter-offers were made.
What egg do you buy an orphan?
Free range.
Why are Egyptian gods orphans?
Because Egypt needs to sell Anubis (a new bus) every year to make a prophet.
How can a prostitute make more money than a drug dealer?
She can clean her crack and sell it again.
