ASDA.
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
Which country of the world has the poorest/most hungry people?
Answer: Hungary
The bank said go to the river bank. Oh, oh, oh, good fishy joke!
What is the richest nut ever? A cash-ooo!
Why can't you buy an iPhone X?
It's too expensive.
Why do orphans get the small sized chip bags?
Because they don’t have a family to share it with. 😥
I quit my job at the bank today. I lost interest.
Q: You know what's morbid at a storage sale?
A: They give you more bids.
Why don't some people like pennies?
Because it's common cents.
When does it rain money?
When there's a change in the weather.
Where are average things manufactured?
The satisfactory!
When you say to your dad...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Dad be like...
Who wants my son?
Nan be like, "Me!"
Kid be like...
AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH GIVE ME #### ROUX!
What are roux, says nan?
Um, they're your life savings!
Nan be like, "Let's get some roux!"
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
I have a bunch of jokes about unemployed people. It's a shame they never work!
I hear coal mining is a rock-bottom job.
H: *walks into bedroom* Why are you packing your bags?
W: I heard in New York women get paid $400 for what I do for you for free.
*Later that day*
W: *walks into the bedroom to see husband packing his bags* What are you doing?
H: I’m going with you. I want to see how you live off of $800 a year.
A guy walks into a butcher's shop and says, "Sir, are you a gambling man?"
The butcher says, "Why yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Then I'll bet you $25 you can't reach up and touch that meat hanging over your head right there."
The butcher thinks for a moment and says, "I'm sorry, I won't take that bet."
The guy says, "But I thought you said you were a gambling man."
"I am. But the steaks are too high."
How do birds pay? With their bills!
What is the richest kind of air?
A millionaire.
