Dont jokes

They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0

What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing. A man named Chris comes up and asks, “Which one is yours?” The man said, “I don’t know, I’m still deciding.”

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

They don't have a dad to check the closet.

Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"

Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"

How do you avoid getting raped? Just don't say no!

What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

If you faked the moon mission, don't apollo-gize.

Why do heterosexual men and heterosexual women believe that bisexual men don't exist because male bisexuality doesn't exist? Because it doesn't cycle 🚲.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.