Dont jokes

Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?

They made the toys.

Why do heterosexual men like to receive an anonymous blowjob at an adult bookstore? Because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men, but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out.

What rock group has four men that don't sing? -- Mount Rushmore.

How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?

I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Tina, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something, son, but you must promise not to tell your mother. Tina is actually your sister."

The boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later:

Son: "Daddy, I fell in love again, and she is even hotter!"

Father: "That's great, son. Who is she?"

Son: "It's Peny, the other neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Ohhhh, I wish you hadn't said that. Peny is also your sister."

This went on a couple of times, and the son was so mad, he went straight to his mother crying.

Son: "Mum, I am so mad at Dad! I fell in love with six girls, but I can't date any of them because Daddy is their father!"

The mother hugs him affectionately and says:

"My love, you can date whoever you want. Don't listen to him. He is not your father!"

If you faked the moon mission, don't apollo-gize.

Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"

I don't always roll a joint, but when I do, it's my ankle.

Why do Nazis not wear necklaces, rings, and bracelets? Because they hate jewelry.

You gotta give it to JD Vance. He is consistent; he is Putin his dick where it don't belong!

Well, somebody has to cushion the blow.

What's the difference between orphans and girlfriends? I don't have 100 girlfriends locked in my basement.

F is for friends who don't talk to you.

U is for Ur alone.

N is for never having any plans at all, all you do is sit at home.

If at first it doesn't succeed, try, try again.

Why don't phones wear glasses? Because they have contacts!

Why don't you ever see hippos hiding in trees? Because they are really good at it.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

I made it, DON'T COPY!!!

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

Today a child asked if I was an angel. I asked why, and he said, "Mommy says that angels have marks on their wrists because they don't want to be in this world."

Why is a wet pavement like playing music?

If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.