Attempt Jokes

I believe "Self-Baptism" is a nice way of saying "Failed Suicide Attempt."

There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attempt a suicide, guess what? I failed.

Things I would have missed if my attempt in 2018 worked...

My attempts in 2019, 2020, and 2021!

Tried to kill myself today using a bungee cord, I kept ALMOST dying.

It must not be a good suicide story if you can tell it.

You call it suicide. I call it a failed parkour attempt.

Guy: My life is like a game, I should end it.

Guy 2: Is it a hard life?

Guy: Yup

Guy 2: Then you can't kill yourself LOL

Guy 3: Hold on, I know a cheat code to finish the "game"

Once again, RIP Daniel Kyre, he actually died this day five years ago.

He attempted suicide Sep 16, and was in life support, till his parents made the tough decision of taking him off.

We will miss ya bud..... (cyndagoooooooo)

It's all fun and games until someone fails at becoming Superman.

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

What's worse than a failed attempt at suicide?

The pity looks people give you and people keep you away from 'dangerous' things.

If it's true what they say and I quote; "God never gives you more than you can handle"

Then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

I got arrested on suspicion of attempted rape all because I was carrying some cable ties, a bit of tape and a piece of cloth. It's such a joke, I hadn't even bought the chloroform yet.

I tried to catch the fog, but I mist.

I met a kid with Down syndrome the other day. He told me he was into rock music. He told me his favorite song was "Down With The Syndrome." Kinda drooled while attempting to sing it.