Dont jokes

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

Guys, don’t let nobody hurt you with words.

Like someone once said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

I walked in on my dad fucking my little brother. I don't know what was worse: the fact that he was fucking my brother, or the fact that the abortion clinic let my parents take the fetus home....

[Them]: "Don't you think you'll feel ashamed of all the suicide jokes you've made when you get older?"

[Me]: "When I what?" 0-0

I don't struggle with depression, I'm used to it.

I don’t like to make jokes around dwarfs.

Simply because they look up to me.

Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

When I get suicidal, everyone worries. I don't know why because that is when I'm the happiest, thinking about death.

Man 1: Why don’t we just put all the debt in the world on one man, then kill him?

Man 2: We tried that once. It started a cult.

I would tell you a joke about unemployed people, but they don’t really work.

Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.

Little Johnny got a train set for Christmas. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Alright, you motherfuckers get off here, and you motherfuckers get off here." His mom comes rushing in and says, "Little Johnny, we don’t use that kind of language, go to your room and think about what you did!"

After a few hours, she lets him out of his room. He goes back to play with his train set. He takes it around the circle, parks it at the station, and says, "Okay, you guys get off here, and you guys get off here. And if you have any complaints about the two hour delay, take it up with the bitch in the kitchen."

Say what you want about pedophiles, but at least they don't shoot up schools.

They found water on Mars. Mars:1 Africa:0

What do you get when you put a suicide bomber in a wheel chair? An RC-XD.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan? Orphans don't get picked.

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

Why is an orphan so scared of the dark?

They don't have a dad to check the closet.

Johnny Depp to a 15-year-old girl: "Wow, look at that sexy body! Savvy!"

Michael Jackson, when talking about a 6-year-old boy: "The boy is mine! That doggone boy is mine! Don't waste your time...."

Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and Jeffrey Epstein entering and exclaiming, "Wow, this place is more fun than the Playboy Mansion!"

I don't like 9/11 jokes; they have a tendency to crash and burn.