Dont jokes

Me: I saw an emo kid that got a haircut today. But instead of saying “Like ya cut g” and slapping the neck, I slapped the wrist and said “Like ya cut’s g.”

Emo kid: He said like your bullet holes, G.

Me: I have no bullet holes.

Emo kid: Not yet, you don't.

Me: Ayo what the fuc*.

I don't trust trees...they look shady.

I don't like stairs. They're always up to something.

What happens when you fail to be an emo? You don't make the cut.

A friend sits across from me at class so I asked if she wants to hang out sometimes. She said yes, so I called her over to my house, and that's the day I found out she was a guy.

The moral of the story: don't try to fuck your friends.

Knock knock. Who is there?

I don't know.

Here [are] some questions firesharky:

1. What color hair do u have?

2. What[s] MY parents['] names? What hospital [were] u born in?

3. What state [were] u born in?

Do not say I don't know.

Do you know why orphans don't have parents?

Because no one raised you.

You're so fat, you don't need internet because you're already worldwide.

Me: *opens a bag of hot Cheetos in class*

All my friends: Hey bro, can I have some?

People I don't know: Please lemme have some. PLEASE, I'll be your best friend!

People I say no to: (⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)(⊙-⊙)

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

If you are a big fan of me, go to the movie and I kill the bad guys. If you don't, I will be mad and I will be sonic.exe lol.

Don't scare me! I poop easily!

Does anybody know the similarities between a Rubik's cube and a penis?

I don't know the whole answer, but I do know that the more you play with it, the harder it gets.

If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.

The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.

My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.

Fat bully. That was just the starter, now do you want the main course?

Me: I don't think I want that because you already ate it.

Why can't orphans have a home button on their phone?

Because they don't have homes.

A: Why did Sally fall off the swing?

B: Why?

A: Because she has no arms.

Knock, knock.

B: Who's there?

A: Not Sally.

Joe was eating ice cream while walking on the street. He dropped his ice cream. Why?

B: I don't know, why?

A: Because Sally was driving the car.