Don't say your life is a joke because jokes have meaning.
I don't struggle with self-harm, I do it everyday.
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I saw a man sitting on the ledge of a bridge the other day, and asked him what was wrong. He responded with nobody loves me, so i told him that may be true but you dont wanna kill yourself you want to die of old age, or at least be murdered, suicide is for the weak. he responded with your right so I pushed him over the bridge, and he died of murder
Little Johnny was eating dinner with his family. His mother went around the table and asked, "Mark, what would you like to eat?" Mark said, "I'd like some fucking potatoes." *SMACK*! Mother slapped Mark. She then asked Suzie, "What would you like to eat?" "Well, I'd like some fucking potatoes," said Suzie. *SMAACK*! She slapped Suzie. "Okay, Johnny, what would you like to eat?" "Well.... I sure as hell don't want no fucking potatoes."
Kid: "Hey dad, what's dark humor?"
Dad: "Go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him."
Kid: "But dad, I don't have any legs or arms."
Dad: "Exactly, son."
Why can't orphans do homework? They don't have a home to do it at.
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because "two wongs don't make a white."
What's the difference between a gay man and a refrigerator?
The fridge don't fart when you take your meat out.
A teacher gives her kindergarten students four flavors of lifesavers, and they have to guess the flavors. The students guess cherry, lime, and orange. They don't know the last flavor. So, the teacher gives them a hint and says, "It's what your parents call each other." [honey] But a little girl shouts and says, "OMG, they're assholes."
Q: Do you know why people don't like abortion jokes?
A: Because they leave people with a feeling of emptiness inside.
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
Why can't homeless people be gay?
They don't have a closet to get out of.
Why can't the orphan play the game of life? They don't know what a family road trip is. 😆
Why don't witches wear underwear?
So they can get a better grip on their broom.
Why do orphans only have 363 days of the year? They don't have Mother's or Father's Day.
Me having a good day. Going on a walk on a peaceful day.
My depression: hey, what's up!
Me: go away.
My depression: well how rude.
Me: 🙄.
My depression: remember that one time......
Me: no, don't even.
My depression: that we.....
Me: nope.
My depression: *says really fast*: said that one stupid joke that wasn't funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilled water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like you do every single night.
Me: 😳😶😟.
My depression: 😉 don't worry I'll always be here for you.
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
Roses are red, I don't know why, Living is hard, I want to die.
What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.
