Dont jokes
Texans: Don't mess with Texas.
*snows 1 inch*
Texans: Please help us, President Biden!
My mama always told me, don't pick your nose or it will fall off! I thought she meant my nose.
Hey, give me a break! I'm a little shorthanded!
Oh no, not rock paper scissors again! I always lose. Come on guys, I just lost my finger a day ago! This is Tony, later on.
Sometimes I think back on all the people I’ve lost and remember why I stopped being a tour guide.
Give a man a match, and he’ll be warm for a few hours. Set him on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.
You don’t need a parachute to go skydiving. You need a parachute to go skydiving twice.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I’ll never forget my father’s last words to me just before he died: “Are you sure you fixed the brakes?”
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
Hey, you wanna hear something funny?
An atom makes up everything. Half of this site contains this joke. Don't trust the internet, kids.
What did the salad dressing say to the tomato?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
I am only here because me no like Blues Clues LGBTQ episode as I don’t believe in that. If you do, ok.
And it shouldn’t be a month, the month should be for all of the war veterans, it should be a day for pride. Companies only use this month for money; it’s exploitation because they don’t truly support, unlike me, in which I don’t support it.
Question: Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Answer: Because they taste funny!
My mom said you failed school. I said, "Don't be surprised, I'm a retard, Mom."
People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
What keeps you breathing when you're on Earth?
I don't know. I suffocated at birth.
I hate it when people say to suck it up... I mean, sometimes I don’t want someone’s dick in my face.
If you don't like the video in 10 seconds, James Charles will sleep with you tonight.
Why are eagles 🦅 bald?
Because they don’t wear wigs.
Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!
Orphan: What! No! Please no!
Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!
Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?
So they don't whistle on the way down!
Hey guys! Ello here with an update!
I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!
What is the reason for why women never look to the right?
Because they don't have any rights.
When they say beat that pussy, I don’t play so punch it.