Dont jokes

People say rape is bad. It is because I don't want STD and HIV.

What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?

I C D K

Me: I’m gonna smite the life out of you!!!

Orphan: What! No! Please no!

Me: What you gonna do? Run home and tell your parents? Wait, I forgot, you don’t have a home or parents!!!!

Why do female parachutists have to wear tampons before they jump?

So they don't whistle on the way down!

Hey guys! Ello here with an update!

I know I haven't been doing a lot of jokes lately, so I will make sure to do that, but I have something to say! I am going to Disneyland today!! So here is the plan. Today we are going to leave around 2 and go to Downtown Disney for dinner and check into our hotel and stuff like that. Then we are going to wake up bright and early tomorrow and go to Disneyland and stay 'til midnight, and then on Monday we are going to California Adventure! I am missing school on Monday! I'm so excited! And don't worry, I will make sure to tell you guys all about it when we get back. Love y'all!

What is the reason for why women never look to the right?

Because they don't have any rights.

When they say beat that pussy, I don’t play so punch it.

A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie? It’ll be fun.”

“Ok,” the mom and son reply happily.

“Let me start,” says the son.

“Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom.

“I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son.

“Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games,” says the mom.

“Your right!” He replies.

“I’ll go next,” says the dad. “I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.”

“Hmm... Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom,” Says the son.

“The lie is the second on,” says the dad.

Why don’t coffins have Wi-Fi?

Because they don’t want people to be so ‘connected’ while they’re trying to rest in peace.

What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?

You don’t need consent.

What do orphans and sperm donor kids have in common? They don't have dads.

Bully: Your mom hates you.

Orphan: I don't have parents ;)

Why do girls scratch their eyes in the morning?

Because they don't have another pair of balls.

I usually don't make 9/11 jokes, but they just are fire.

Why is my dad gone?

I don't know.

Life is like a game of chess.

I don’t know how to play chess.

When the school shooter is getting roasted because of his Pokemon lunch box, but they don't know that there is a Glock 34 inside.

My girl asked me if I had seen a gorilla anywhere. I told her yes, I did see one a minute ago at the Central Park Zoo. He said if you don't behave, he will take you back to the jungle and have your ass abandoned for good.

I remember having a crush on my math teacher, so I winked at her and said, "Don't worry, babe, I'll call you later."

Why do oranges wear sunscreen? So they don't peel.