Doctor jokes

What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he wasn't peeling very well!

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"

The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."

Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.

Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.

Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!

Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?

A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"

My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Yo mama is so fat when she goes to the dentist, they make her lay face down.

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

Why did the house go to the doctor?

Because it had a window pane.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

Why did Daveon go to the doctor?

Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.

Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"

What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.

The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.

What is a similarity between priests and doctors?

They both have fetishes for their professions.