My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
got kicked out of the hospital cause i told all the Covid-19 patents to stay positive.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?
My reverse psychologist told me I didn't have it in me to make a recovery.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
Patient: Doctor, I feel like a needle.
Doctor: I see your point!
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
