My nan broke her toe on a brick today. Last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire. Does that now mean I have to tow her back to the doctors?
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
Doctor: You should stop masturbating.
Me: Doc, I'm almost done.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
Unbelievable! When doctors touch my body, it’s alright, but if I do the same to some lady, apparently it’s "harassment!"
A few years ago I had a brush with cancer...
All of the bristles fell out!
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
I broke my arm in two places. You know what the doctor told me? Stay out of those places!
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
A man walks into a doctor's office, naked and wrapped in Glad Wrap.
The doctor replies with: "I can clearly see your nuts."
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
I got kicked out of the hospital because I told all the Covid-19 patients to stay positive.
Would you mind just peeing into this cup, please? It's the one the annoying receptionist uses.
What did the doctor say to the mother after delivering the baby? Sorry.
Why did Daveon go to the doctor?
Because he was feeling "Daveon" in the dumps.
Daveon says, "Oh wow, she's so beautiful!" The doctor then says, "Yes, but sadly, your wife didn't make it..." Daveon then states, "Give me the one my wife made then!"
