The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work...
He’s a suicide bomber.
September 11 bring your plane to work day
what do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai ping
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he's sitting the the doctor's office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "well, at least I don't have cancer."
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
I tried dressing up as the plane that crash into the twin towers for the office costume party It didn't land too well
I got sent to the principals office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the Doctor's office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, "So I can examine you!"
I GOT a job as a pencil sharpener I would tell you about it but you wouldn't get the point.
Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.
When you're working in the twin towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
We’re skipping April fools day this year, the biggest joke is already sitting in office running our country
Me walking in to the office: Principle: tell me what u did? Me: I told the special ed kid that the 4th story window was a end portal....
So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
Despite my devilish attitude, I have the heart of a small boy. I keep it in a jar on my desk.
Wow! That whiteboard is remarkable!
I went to my boss's funeral and knelt down to his coffin ⚰️ and whispered. "Whose late now ?"
