The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work... He’s a suicide bomber.
September 11, bring your plane to work day.
What do you call an Asian receptionist?
Tai Ping.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking, so he asked him, "Sir, are you drunk?" The man responds, "No, sir, I'm not drunk." So the officer asks, "How high are you?" And the man responds, "No sir, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterward, he's sitting in the doctor's office, and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, "I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer's." The man replies, "Well, at least I don't have cancer."
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
I think my coworkers are gay. -- Every time I walk by, they mumble, "What an ass."
I tried dressing up as the plane that crashed into the Twin Towers for the office costume party.
It didn't land too well.
Wanna hear a terrible joke?
Paper
Pretty tear-able, huh?
A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"
I got sent to the principals office for lighting the kid in the wheelchair on fire and calling him hot wheels
What do you call a special police officer? OFFICER DOWN!
What do you call a dwarf police officer?
A guinea pig
A police officer writes a ticket for a car not being parked correctly. The driver asks why. When he realizes he is parked poorly, he responds "Oh. I'm terribly sorry. You see, I'm so gay I can't even park straight."
The Big Bang happened 16.8 billion years ago, and matter cannot be created or destroyed. Therefore, we are all technically 16.8 billion years old. So, to answer your question, officer, yes, she is of age.
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
A guy is at home and he's about to go get a physical at the doctor's office. When he gets there, the doctor says, "Brian, you're going to have to stop masturbating." He asked the doc why? The doc said, "So I can examine you!"
I got a job as a pencil sharpener. I would tell you about it, but you wouldn't get the point.
Two police officers crash their car into a tree. After a moment of silence, one of them says, "Wow, that's got to be the fastest we've ever gotten to an accident site."
A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
