Doctor jokes
Yo mama so ugly, when she was born, the doctor tried to put her back in.
So I ran into my specialist doctor, and he said, "Pick a star sign, any star sign." So I said, "Capricorn," and he said, "Nah, you got cancer."
Why did the Polish urologist cut his cock off with a knife?
To take care of his erectile dysfunction.
Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"
How do you tell a child they have cancer? With a smile on your face.
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
A man wakes up in the hospital and says, "Doctor! Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
"Of course," the doctor says. "I amputated your arms."
Mother: How is my little cookie doing?
Doctor: Your cookie is feeling crummy right now.
Mother: Really?
Doctor: But don’t worry. Things are about to get batter.
Mother: 😁♥️🍪
The doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him with my gun. The judge gave me 15 years. Problem solved.
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.
As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
You're so ugly that when you were born, the doctor threw you out the window, and the window threw you back.
Getting hurt is a bone-breaking experience. It's such a spine-tingling event!
A pedophile brings his eight-year-old daughter to the doctor's office. The doctor asked her if she would like some candy? Her father replies, "Please, no more candy for her. I gave her enough today."
How does a woman scare a gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
My doctor gave me 1 year. So I shot him.
The judge gave me fifteen. Problem solved!
What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?
It's Morphine Time.
Man: Hi, Doc, I have a problem. I take a shit at 6:00 AM every morning.
Doc: What's wrong with that?
Man: I don't wake up until 8:00 AM.
What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.