My doctor called me a "psychopath." How dare he?!? He'll pay for this!
Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but Iām not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet
Why did the dumb blonde pee inside the condom?
Because the doctor told the dumb blonde that the dumb blonde was going to get a urine test!
A guy with AIDS went into the doctor's room unusually happy. You could even say he was HIV positive.
What did the bird go to the hospital for?
For tweetment!
Your mama is so funny looking that when the doctor called her, he said, "Never visit me again. I hope you die!"
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
What [is] another name for an abortion?
Canceling your delivery.
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Two friends are in a hospital lobby. Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying.
Friend 1: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 2: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 1: "I came here for a blood test."
Friend 2: "So? Are you afraid?"
Friend 1: "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger."
Friend 2: "*crying hysterically*"
Friend 1: "Why are you crying?"
Friend 2: "I came here for a urine test."
A hand of Pepsi murdered a Coca Cola. An innocent Sprite yelled, "Quick! Call Dr. Pepper!"
Eventually, a 7-Up called Dr. Pepper. The Coca Cola was fine.
My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?"
The doctor replied, "He's going through a midlife crisis."
Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because he wasn't peeling very well!
Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he felt crummy!
What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don't worry, he's okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.
Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.
Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!
Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??
Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
