Doctor Jokes

What did the bird to the hospital for? For tweetment!

A guy with aids went into the doctors room unusually happy. You could even say he was.... HIV positive.

Why did the dumb blonde 👱‍♂️ pee inside the condom because the doctor told the dumb blonde 👱‍♂️ that the dumb blonde 👱‍♂️ was going to get a urine test

Man: Doctor where are you taking me Doctor: to the morgue Man: but I’m not dead yet Doctor: are we there yet

Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

What another name for an Abortion?

Canceling your delivery.

"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient. "Give me the good news first," the patient said. "Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live." "That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "I've been trying to reach you for two days."

Two Friends are in a hospital in the lobby, Friend 2 notices Friend 1 crying. Friend 1 "*crying hysterically*" Friends 2 "why are you crying?" Friend 1 "I came here for a blood test" Friend 2 "So? are you afraid?" Friend 1 "No. For the blood test, they cut my finger." Friend 2 "*crying hysterically*" Friend 1 "why are you crying?" Friend 2 "I came here for a urine test."

A hand of Pepsi murdered a coca cola a innocent sprite yelled QUICK! CALL DR PEPPER! Eventually a 7 up called Dr pepper the coca cola was fine

Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn't peeling very well!

Why did the cookie go to the doctor because he felt crummy

What do a gynecologist and deaf people have in common? They both read lips

My mom asked my doctor, "Why is my unvaccinated baby crying?" The doctor replied, "He's going through a Mid-life Crisis

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday. Oh, don't worry, he's okay now. But the vet charged me six quid.

Technoblade: makes jokes about orphans while in hospital

Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss

Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

Where did the eye doctor keep all his kittens? On Cat-A-Racks!!

Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital

A: For the doctor to make it get "butter" (e)

My nan broke her toe by a brick today, last time she broke her toe because she kicked her car tire . Does that now mean I have to toe her back to the doctors.