Appointment jokes
Your mama is so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
Why did the rapper go to the dentist?
To fix his flow.
Why did the rapper go to the optometrist?
Because he needed to improve his RAP VISION.
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
What are the four letters you don鈥檛 want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
I can make a word with those: "DICK".
Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?
He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.
I went to the eye doctor and I couldn't read. They showed me a picture of a birthday cake and I thought it was a menorah!
What time is it when dogs are an appointment? Time to scream!
What do you call a line of men waiting to get haircuts? A barber-queue.
A guy goes in to get some tests done. The doctor comes out and says, "I got good news and bad news." The guy says, "Ok, let's get the bad news out of the way." The doctor says, "The tests came back positive. You got two weeks to live." The guy says, "Oh My God!! Then what the hell is the good news?" Doctor says "You see that nurse over there, the one with the big tits? I'm screwin' her."
Q: What time does an Asian go to the dentist?
A: 2:30
Doctor: I can't treat you.
Orphan: Why!
Doctor: I'm a family doctor.
Yo mama so stupid, she made an appointment with Dr. Pepper.
A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion.
"What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job," replied the Priest.
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Well, next I can become Bishop," said the Priest.
"Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi.
"If I work real hard and do a good job as Bishop, it's possible for me to become an Archbishop," said the Priest.
"O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest, beginning to get a bit exasperated, replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal."
"And then?" asked the Rabbi.
The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my political games just right, maybe, just maybe, I can get elected Pope."
"Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi.
"Good grief!" shouted the Priest. "What do you expect me to become, GOD?"
"Well," said the Rabbi, "One of our boys made it!"
The doctor said he had good news and bad news. The good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
Because he lost his filling.
Me: Sorry I couldn鈥檛 make it to school yesterday, I had an appointment.
Teacher: What kind of appointment?
Me: I had an appointment with a cut day. 馃槇馃槇馃槇
True story.
Doctor: You need new glasses.
Patient: How'd you know? I haven't even told you what is wrong with me yet.
Doctor: I could tell as soon as you walked in through the window.
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.