Diet jokes
How do lions 🦁 like their steak?
"Roar!"
What is a vegetarian's favorite song?
No beef.
If a vegan and a vegan have a fight, is it still considered beef?
I don't joke about vegans. That would be tasteless...
I have no beef with them.
Your mom is so fat that she only knows three letters, which are "KFC."
Today I learned humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
why are people in japan so slim? because the last time a fatman came, they lost half their population.
I got barred from Weight Watchers today.
It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.
If you were a vegetable, you would be a cute-cumber.
I said I ate an apple because I was hungry.
Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"
Friend: "Your blood pressure!"
How do you know if someone is a vegan or has run a marathon?
They'll tell you.
Why don't sharks eat n****rs? They think it's whale shit.
Why did the transgender man only eat salad?
Because he was a "her" before.
Why did the blonde snort artificial sweetener?
She thought it was diet coke.
Why can't Chinese people play baseball?
They eat the bat.
It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.
It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.
I'm a recovering cake addict.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app, and it just sent an ambulance to my house.