Diet jokes

What do Asian people eat?

Rice.

What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.

Bestie Hannah heard that bestie Iz had a migraine! What did she do? She said, "My grains don’t hurt that much, at least not when the animals eat them!"

I'm a recovering cake addict.

What did the fat girl say to the donut?

"I'm going to eat you tonight..."

Why do the Greeks and Romans like food? Because food is good for you.

Two people walk down the road. One says to the other, "Mitch, we passed Weight Watchers 2 minutes ago." He responds, "Jake, the noodle shop is just here. You've been carrying that sh*t on your head for 14 years!"

Why did the Indian man eat a cow? Because he wanted to be fat.

I broke up with my girlfriend and stole her wheelchair.

Guess who likes vegetables now?

I have a big bag of Doritos in the kitchen. It's only for people who are skinny, but the fat people can't have any. All they do is suck it up like a lollipop.

Why did the girl not eat her dinner?

because she has an eating disorder.

What’s the hardest part of the vegetable to eat?

The wheelchair.

Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.

What’s a cannibal’s favorite food? A vegetable.

Why did Bella Thorne pass gas on "Shake It Up Chicago?" Because I gave her too split pea soup for breakfast.

Your mom is so fat she ate an iPad and said, "Ahqah!" funny food mmm banana and hehe haha! And what deal with airline food? It's not white and it's not black and it's not Asian!? AHAH? DSF

What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?

Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.

It turns out a major new study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

It’s true. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey.

I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and eat it.

Your mama is so fat.

She went on a diet and solved world hunger!