Die

Die jokes

Crush

    • What's the only good part of your crush dying before you have the chance to bang her?

    She can't say no!

  • 1
    • Die memes

    Kid

    • Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

    But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

  • 1

    • Cremation

    • Why do old people swallow popcorn kernels?

    To make their cremation more entertaining when they die.

  • 0

    • Jesus

    • Jesus got rejected. A few years later he died. He came back just to lose his virginity because even Jesus is not a fucking cunt.

    Get off this site and go have some sex, you fucking virgins.

  • 1

    • Woman

    • A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

    I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

  • 1

    • Dog

    • My crush: OMG, my dog just died!😭😭😭😭😭

    Me: Oh my goodness, I am so sorry. I am here for you!

    My crush: I have a boyfriend...🙄

    Me: Yeah well, I have a dog.

  • 3

    • Wife

    • My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

    One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

  • 0

    • Priest

    • A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.

  • 1

    • God

    • During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"

  • 1

    • Cannibal

    • Three men are shipwrecked on a jungle island and taken prisoner by the residing cannibals. They are all told to walk into the jungle and come back with one piece of fruit. They go in and the first man comes out with a peach. He is instructed to shove it in his ass, and if he laughs, he will be killed. He tries and dies.

    The second man comes back with a grape and is instructed to do the same. When the two meet at the pearly gates, the first man says, "I had a peach. They're fuzzy. You had a grape. What's your excuse?"

    "Well, I was doing fine until I saw Jimmy come out of the brush with a pineapple."

  • 5