Death jokes

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?

dead.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Ni-tro-gen!

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.