Death jokes
How did we know Princess Diana had dandruff?
'Cause the police found her Head and Shoulders on the dash.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
Are you a knife?
Because I want to deep throat you.
What falls to the ground first if an apple and an emo kid fall from a tree?
The apple because the rope caught the emo kid.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Why is Sally dead? Cause she has no arms.
Can I die?
Why didn't the skeleton want to make art anymore?
He didn't have the heart to put into it.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
How did Technoblade actually die?
He got stabbed!
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
A man found out that he was going to die.
A German doctor comes in and says "you have 10 more". The man yells out "10 WHAT!! DAYS!!!! WEEKS!!!". And the doctor says "No seconds". And the man says "9 SECONDS!!!" And the doctor says "Nein. Ten seconds". He asked "How many seconds do I have to live 10, 9 , or...?"
Then he died and learned how to say no in German....
Where did the orphans go when the orphanage blew up?
Everywhere.
What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?
ONESY.
“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
I was at a concert in the front row, and I shouted something to the band's guitarist. He took it the wrong way and responded: "I'm going to go down there and hit you with my guitar!"
And I replied: "Is that a death fret?"