Hey girl, are you suicide? 'Cause I think of you everyday.
Whatβs George Floydβs favorite color? Neon black.
How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?
He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, thatβs how Paul Walker got sent to Godβs inbox.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
Give a man fire, and he'll be warm for a day.
Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?
Chocolate drops.
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
A man found a chest full of gold, so he went to go tell his wife, only to remember why he was digging.
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldnβt see the road to heaven.
