Death jokes
What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?
I can't jump off a burrito.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
Why is Hitler a better person than Jeffrey Epstein?
At least Hitler killed himself.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.