Death jokes

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Di.

Di who?

See, easily forgotten.

Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.

I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦‍♂️

We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.

When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Ni-tro-gen!

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"