Death jokes

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?

dead.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

What do you do with a dead chemist?

You Ni-tro-gen!

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.

I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

My girlfriend died in Tokyo during a tsunami. I was sad, but my friend told me, "Don't worry, there are plenty more in the ocean."

Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.

But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.

I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.

May he rest in pizza.