Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
Death Jokes
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
Mom tells her son to go to the other kid, to walk to the kid just standing still, to clap so the kid can hear and move out of the way of the car.
But her son was blind, the other kid had no legs so he couldn't walk, and the kid has no arms so he couldn't clap, and the kid died because he couldn't hear; he was deaf.
I just heard that the inventor of the autocorrect died the other day.
May he rest in pizza.
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
Where did little Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
What do you call a bunch of Paki's jumping off a cliff?
Chocolate drops.
My cousin asked me, "What do you think was going through Hitler's mind right before he died?"
I told him, "Probably a bullet."
Did the people of England see a "game over" sign in the sky when the queen died?
How do you tell if someone is depressed?
The brains on the wall.
