Death jokes
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.
Now I'm terrified of airports.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Coff- na, jk, bleach.
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
I have a choking kink, so I will enjoy hanging.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.