Death jokes
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Coff- na, jk, bleach.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.