Death jokes
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
Memes
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
What instrument can a skeleton never play?
An organ.
SPOILER ALERT...
I was going to tell you a joke about Thanos, but T. S. snapped it away!
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
Everyone likes orphans but their parents.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
Roses or daisies? Now I know what flowers to put on your casket when I murder that pussy.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.