Death jokes
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What is a box called when a cough dies in it?
A coffin.
Why can't my grandma talk?
Because she's dead.
I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...
she died the next morning.
A guy walks to his friend's house. His friend asks, "Where is your girlfriend?"
The guy replies, "Meet me at the cemetery in a week, and you'll find out!"
What do you call a dead baby?
Spawn killed.
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
In 2011, Stephen Hawking said there is no God. In 2018, God said there is no Steve Hawking.
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a while. But set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
What's the POINT in stabbing people?
HAHAHA
What's the difference between Kobe Bryant and Jeffrey Epstein?
Only 2 13-year-olds went down on Kobe's helicopter.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
What does the school shooter do after shooting all the kids?
Shoot kids in them ;)
How did Steven Hawking die?
He lost internet connection.
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
Like my daddy? Too bad you don't have one.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
I was digging in my backyard and I found gold, and I went to run and tell my mom, but I realized why I was digging in the backyard.
Danny, your mum [is] dead as hell and got raggedy shoes on.