Death jokes

I'd tell you a Kobe joke.

But I am afraid it wouldn't land well.

A man dies, and his friend is invited to his funeral.

This friend asks his wife, "Can I say a word?"

"Of course," she says.

The man stands up and says, "Plethora!"

The man's wife says, "Thanks, it means a lot!"

A man died and went to heaven. Here he met Jesus. There were two clocks. The man asked, "What's with the clocks?" Jesus answered, "This is Mother Theresa's clock. She has not lied, so the clock hasn't moved. This is Abraham Lincoln's clock; he's only lied twice, so it's moved twice." "Where's Donald Trump's?" the man asked. Jesus replied: "It's in my office. I'm using it as a ceiling fan."

How many dead kittens does it take to clog a pool filter? Seven when I tried!

What do world hunger and a Mercedes have in common?

Princess Diana couldn't stop both of them.

One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.

Where are the others?

They're in his freezer.

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me.

"Let go of my nose!"

You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"

What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?

I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.

Dark humor never gets old, just like children with cancer.

I've thought about suicide, but there's always been a part of me that knows I wouldn't be able to live with the decision.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

This bitch got mad at me because I couldn’t last four strokes. What the fuck are you mad at me for? My grandpa didn’t even survive one.

Paul Walker died Fast and Furious.

Why is the graveyard so noisy?

Because of all the coffin : )

Why did the Emo Chicken cross the road?

To get hit by a car.

What's the difference between an emo and a banana?

They both hang like apples.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.