My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Why are cigarettes good for the environment?
They kill people.
What is old, cold, and alone?
An orphan's parents.
If you drop an apple and an emo girl, who falls first?
The apple, because the emo girl hung herself.
Bleach solves so many problems: stains, dirty dishes, messes, and overpopulation.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.
Oh wait, I forgot.
What is the difference between a dead body and a Lamborghini?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
If there was a zombie, you would not die because you have no brain.
What do you call a suicide bomber under the water?
A bath bomb.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" Not your grandpa, he crashed the plane.
Autoerotic asphyxiation because hanging in there can be hard.
You look good now, but you’d look better hanging from my ceiling. ;)
Me: Dark humor jokes are like a mother's love.
Orphan: How come?
Me: You wouldn't get it.
Orphan: . . . .
I don't like making Kobe jokes... they always crash and burn.
Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.
"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
What did the suicidal guy say to his audience?
I will never forget my grandfather's last words:
"Can you hold the ladder correctly, damn it!"
Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?
Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.
