Death jokes

What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?

Kill their parents.

Did you know pigeons die after sex?

Well, at least the one I fucked did.

Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.

What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?

Eight dead people.

A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a Corvette in my garage.

My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?

dead.

The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.