Death jokes
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
I'll always remember my Dad's last words before he died on 9/11...
Allahu Akbar!
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
What does Jeffrey Dahmer and Travis Scott have in common?
Eight dead people.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."
She died in a fire.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
The other day I went to a museum. My friend and I went to the Holocaust section, and he got choked up when he saw the Anne Frank picture. I asked him, "Why are you sad? It's just an ashtray."