A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.
His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"
The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."
what do you call an emo person who's not depressed?
dead.
"When is the best time to commit suicide?"
Ate a Glock in the morning.
Guess what? I have a baby in ten trashcans.
My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.
I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
