Death jokes

Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."

A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."

Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.

All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.

What's the difference between a bridge and a burrito?

I can't jump off a burrito.

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.

One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.

My dad and I were fishing one day.

That’s where he met my stepmom.

Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.

What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.

Everyone likes orphans but their parents.

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

What instrument can a skeleton never play?

An organ.

My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!

*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*

"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"

My grandma always said, "Slow and steady wins the race."

She died in a fire.

"When is the best time to commit suicide?"

Ate a Glock in the morning.

There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.

Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!

My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!

Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.

His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."