Death jokes
An emo kid in a leaf falls from a tree. Who falls first? Delete the rope, stop the emo.
Why can’t Michael Jackson go more than 500 feet into a school?
Because he’s dead.
My mom said, "Don't jump off, we need you."
I said, "No," then I jumped off a building and died.
Are you with Alex?
Fucking retarded. Go dig a home die, people!
"If all of these structures break we will all die."
And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!"
And he said, "It would be breaking news."
What is the skeleton's favorite car?
A Zam-bone-y.
My grandfather tells me I'm too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there.
Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
What is it called if your mom does not make it to your birth?...
An abortion.
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
What is common with dark humor and unvaccinated kids?
Neither do ever grow old.
Leave a man on a plane, and he flies for a day.
Throw a man off a plane, and he flies for the rest of his life.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Where did Stephen Hawking go after he died?
FNAF Sister Location.
Ugh, don't you just hate it when you're having sex and your parents walk in the room and say, "No more dead babies for your mister, we are running low!"
What's the difference between an orphan and a dew?
One goes up and one goes down.
What's 6ft long, red, and my girlfriend cries when I feed it to her?
A miscarriage.
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
Are you a toaster? Because I want to take a bath with you.