Death jokes

I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.

Kurt Cobain's last job was a blow job. He blew his head clean off.

Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?

A: “Holes gonna be big.”

I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"

Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?

My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!

Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*

Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.

My ex-boyfriend threatened to kill me because I was suicidal.

I wanted to tell him, "Well, can we get what we both want?" I was already planning on dying anyway.

I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.

It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."

What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?

Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.

Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?

"I finished my job."

What about me?

My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.

Religious mom: FINALLY!

Me: Grabs a noose.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Coff- na, jk, bleach.

My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett? Six hours.