My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
My wife went to Niagara Falls and fell. She broke every bone in her body.
One year later, she recovered. She slipped on an orange peel and died.
Cremation. My final hope for a smokin’ hot body!
Someone: PLEASE EAT! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!
Me: *Trying to remember how long it would take me to die of starvation because I've already googled it and given up because it takes too long.*
Me: Na, yeah, I still have 19 days left.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
My favorite place to make a bonfire? Orphanages, of course, silly!
I bet emos get jealous when their phone dies.
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
My grandpa said, "You kids rely on too much electronics." I said, well we will see about that. *unplugging life support* me: *oops*
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Coff- na, jk, bleach.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
My boy, I think it is about time that I leave this world. Now draw your weapon and kill me now!
*draws a picture of his "epic" sword*
"What... WHAT... WTH ARE YOU DOING SIMPLETON? I DIDN'T MEAN THAT KIND OF DRAW!"
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
