Death jokes
What's a dying person's least favorite app? TikTok.
Do y'all know the saying "Hang in there?" Well, fuck that, because I might as well be hanging myself.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
What's better than throwing up a stillborn?
Making your wife eat it again.
Stephen Hawking died because his screw fell out.
When Lexa took Clarke out on a date, she walked past the candle shop, and she bought all the candles. After the date, they went back to the Heda's (Commander's) Tower, which is basically a huge candle. "All I wanna do is Candle you!"
Person 1: Why did you put the baby feet first into the blender? Person 2: To see his facial expression. Why else?
What did Michael Jackson say before he died, as far as his childhood? "This is it."
A woman prayed to be a mother everyday for many years until she crossed a road without looking and got hit by a woman driver and died.
When she met God, she asked Him, "How come you didn't answer my prayers?"
God replied, "I did. I kept sending men to rape you, but you kept on choosing to destroy my creations by having an abortion."
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a dead body? I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
I want to die.
A man had 10 dead and bloody babies in the middle of his living room. The police suddenly knocked on his door. What is the hardest thing to hide?
- A boner.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
What's the best way to get ten babies in a bowl? A blender. What's the best way to get them out? A blender.
When I die, I want my body to be cremated.
And fucked! Fucked really hard, papí!! Like a real whore!! Like a real tramp!! Stuff your entire cock in there!!! Uhh!! Uhh!!
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
Mufasa, proof that cats don't always land on their feet.