Death jokes
What’s red and very rare?
A baby in a blender.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor?
Dark humor is ten kids in one container; morbid humor is one kid in ten containers.
I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.
I will always remember my dad's last words....
"15 dollars and I'll jump."
Memes
What’s similar between the twin towers and Kobe Bryant?
They both can crash down.
Kobe would still be alive if he would have gone to jail for raping that girl.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
My grandpa said I was too reliant on technology when he saw me on my phone. I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
Orphans go to church to call someone father.
An apple a day, or you'll die anyway.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not! He got nailed before he died.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
At least when I fucked it.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
Where did Kobe go after the helicopter crashed? Everywhere.
What's the difference between a Corvette and a pile of dead babies?
I don't have a Corvette in my garage.