Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
Death Jokes
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Coff- na, jk, bleach.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.
Suicide isn't a joke. It's called "parkour gone wrong."
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to do suicide, and the librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
Playing Russian roulette alone means you're bound to be a winner eventually.
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
