Death jokes
Did you know pigeons die after sex?
Well, at least the one I fucked did.
What's the best comeback for a person calling you an orphan?
Kill their parents.
So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.
When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"
He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."
Why do orphans kill people so they can finally be wanted?
Hey, Reaper!!! Where are you going?
"I finished my job."
What about me?
My son, who is into astronomy, asked me how stars die. I said, "Usually from an overdose."
What does an apple and suicidal person have in common?
They're both hanging from a tree.
I heard a neat little trick you can use to have a public pool all to yourself. If you blow a whistle 3 times, everyone will just get out!
Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.
I told a joke to a guy who had jumped off a bridge... He was in bits! 🤣🤦♂️
We sped up the cycle of life and death, we gave Eric and Dylan a shortcut.
When is a right time to dance on a body? If it is under the floorboards.
What's a depressed person's favorite drink?
Coff- na, jk, bleach.
What’s the only advantage of being an orphan?
Nobody makes jokes about yo mamma.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
My fish died, and I didn't do anything. I just took my fish for a walk.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
Preventing suicide is best done by committing it.