What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
Death Jokes
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
I wanna die.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
I want to die like my grandpa, with a blindfold and a wet sponge on his head.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Technoblade would love it here.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
