Death jokes
My uncle died on September 11. He was the greatest pilot in all of Saudi Arabia.
How do you create the world's quickest human pyramid?
Turn on the gas chamber.
I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!
What is long, brown, and cures depression?
A noose.
The other day I took my Grandma to one of those fish spas where the little fish eat your dead skin.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
I wanna die.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Technoblade would love it here.
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
When Kobe's pilot hit the mountain, he said, "Kobe."
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.