Death jokes

What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."

If you drink hand sanitizer, does it only kill 99.9% of you?...........💀

How did Technoblade actually die?

He got stabbed!

Fruit is like life. You slowly eat it away as it slowly also begins to rot like everyone I’ve known.

Pilot: So Kobe, it seems like you’re not going to make it to your destination in time, so I’m going to put it on autopilot so I can find a place to fill with gas.

Kobe: Take us to the side of that mountain at full speed. I don’t really want to go to the event anymore.

I'll slit your throat and kick you in the gut till you die one time.

Kobe: Stop doing dark humor!

Me: Why? They don't land well together?

What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Her: I love Kobe Bryant!

Me: Helicopter Helicopter

Her:.....

Me: At least you don't say save the trees, cus damn Kobe is good.

I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔

I will never forget my grandpa's last words:

"What the fuck is in this drink?"

There once was a woman who had 10 kids. Their names were:

Tenth, Twenty, Thirty, Forty, Fifty, Sixty, Seventy, Eighty, Ninety, and One Hundred.

Everyone but Ninety died. She also had 10 kids.

These 10 kids got a dog without Ninety knowing. They had him for 2 years until he got hit by a car.

Only Ninety's kids know about this.

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown suit.

Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?

A: By how much he's coffin.

What do you call a fly without wings? Dead.

Orphans go to church to call someone father.

What's the difference between a Porsche and 50 dead babies?

..... I don't have a Porsche in my garage.

Guys, you shouldn't joke about 9/11.

My great-uncle died that day. Best damn pilot in Iraq.