Death Jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To die.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.

hehehe

The image shows a drawing of Frieza, a character from Dragon Ball. Above Frieza is the text "Where did Vegeta go after death?" Below the character, the text says "Into the Frieza."

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Not done yet.

Now they are.

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.

What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

“Are you still holding the ladder?”

Three men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live only if they could achieve one thing: They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each.

The first person returned with apples. The leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1... 2... he screamed.

The next person came back with grapes. 1, 2, 3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing; he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well. "Well, I saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples!"