Death jokes

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words...

Oh fuck, it’s a bus!

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To die.

I used to be into necrophilia. Until that rotten cunt split on me...

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

Have you heard about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.

A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

The man asks, "Ten what?"

Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

These murder jokes are just KILLING me!

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.

What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

There's brains all over the place.