Death

Death jokes

Michael Jackson

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

Orphan

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

Brother

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

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  • Baby

    How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

    A blender.

    How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

    A straw.

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  • Dead Baby

    What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

    I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

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  • Suicide attempt

    So you're in a hospital, you barely survive your suicide attempt. You see one of the scalpels, you finish the job.

    Funeral

    "I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.

    H20

    Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.

    Man

    A man has a terminal illness and isn't sure how long he has left to live, so he talks to his doctor. The man asks, "How long am I going to live?"

    The doctor says, "Depends, what time is it?" The doctor then looks at his watch and says, "10".

    The man asks, "Ten what?"

    Then the doctor keeps going, "6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1".

    Santa Claus

    What is worse to have - a dead baby or a dead Santa Claus?

    Santa. You need extra freezers for reindeer.

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  • Baby

    What's the difference between a dead baby in a dumpster and a treasure chest? It's a surprise when you find the treasure.

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  • School Shooter

    When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."

    Brain

    What do a convention of nerds and Kurt Cobain's garage have in common?

    There's brains all over the place.

    Ladder

    I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died.

    “Are you still holding the ladder?”