Death jokes

I love necrophilia, but only if it's consensual!

Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes.

Not done yet.

Now they are.

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

I came across a dead body in the woods. I liked it so much I came again.

Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.

What does a depressed person and a fashion enthusiast have in common?

They both have something hanging in their closet.

A favorite childhood memory was building sandcastles with my grandfather, that is until my mom took the urn away from me.

When Michael Jackson died, people melted him down into Lego pieces so that little kids could play with him instead.

doctor: you need to eat healthy.

me: no.

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after I suggested it died.

me: oh my goodness.

doctor: in a plane crash.

me: that sounds unrelated.

doctor: I'm the one that crashed it. Do not disobey me!

Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"

There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.

I’ll never forget my father’s last words...

Oh fuck, it’s a bus!

Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with you parents soon." He said, "My parents died." I said, "I know...." I went for the cliffs.

How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?

A blender.

How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?

A straw.

Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To die.

What's the difference between a dead baby and a sandwich?

I don't put my dick in a sandwich before I eat it.

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, "I want h20." The other said, "I want h20, too." The second scientist died.

"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.