Death jokes
Cut.
There are too many suicidal people in this world. I’m going to make sure there is at least one less.
What do you call a wife who knows where her husband is at all times?
A widow.
My grandpa's last words before he died in Vietnam were, "What the fuck did I step on?"
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
Q: Where did Sally go when the bomb went off?
A: Everywhere.
Last night, I burned an orphanage. There was one survivor who said I would regret it. I said, "What are you gonna do? Tell your parents?"
Can I pin your corpse to a tree?
Did you hear about the Italian chef who died?
He pasta-way.
A noose, a knife, a gun, and a razor blade look at a child who committed suicide after being bullied.
Everyone looked at the noose. The noose would say, "What? It wasn't my fault!"
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Di.
Di who?
See, easily forgotten.
How do you stop a baby from drowning?
Take your foot off its head.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window, and jumps out.
Why are there gates on a graveyard?
Because people are dying to get inside. Lol
Why does Kurt Cobain hate his brother?
Because he's always calling shotgun.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he was arrested on suspicion of murder.
What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.
New skin unlocked: Blood splatter!
(Obtained by running over 69 children.)
He died because he rolled too far away from the wall outlet and got unplugged.