Death jokes
My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.
You don't want to know why it takes so long to put a dead woman in a mass-produced coffin in a pre-buried grave dug by machinery that is then filled by mourners.
I was in a school shooting a few years ago, 3 people died.
I guess that’s what you get when you’re bad at hide and seek.
All orphans deserve to die if they don't buy KFC.
Why is the skeleton sad and alone?
Because he is with nobody.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
Why did mommy disappear? The dad: Well, when she crossed the road to get to the chicken, she only made it halfway.
Q: What did one dead hooker say to the other dead hooker?
A: Nothing, dead hookers don't talk.
Why did the suicidal man walk in front of the car? To get to the other side.
Luckily, his funeral was a closed casket, sorry, his car blew a gasket.
Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning?
It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Because he got bummed too hard in the shower.
Can I die?
What's the difference between me and a rope?
The rope doesn't hang from itself.
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
Why did the family move away?
Because they lost their son.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
Are you a toaster?
'Cause I wanna take a bath with you.
Suicide