Death jokes
A is for Amy who fell down the stairs.
B is for Basil assaulted by bears.
C is for Clara who wasted away.
D is for Desmond thrown out of a sleigh.
E is for Ernest who choked on a peach.
F is for Fanny sucked dry by a leech.
G is for George smothered under a rug.
H is for Hector done in by a thug.
I is for Ida who drowned in a lake.
J is for James who took lye by mistake.
K is for Kate who was struck with an axe.
L is for Leo who swallowed some tacks.
M is for Maud who was swept out to sea.
N is for Neville who died of ennui.
O is for Olive run through with an awl.
P is for Prue trampled flat in a brawl.
Q is for Quentin who sank in a mire.
R is for Rhoda consumed by a fire.
S is for Susan who perished of fits.
T is for Titus who flew into bits.
U is for Una who slipped down a drain.
V is for Victor squashed under a train.
W is for Winnie embedded in ice.
X is for Xerxes devoured by mice.
Y is for Yorick whose head was knocked in.
Z is for Zillah who drank too much gin.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Who’s stronger in a relationship, a man or a woman? A woman, because it takes six men to carry him to his grave; it only takes one woman to put him there.
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
Memes
I have a question: Does aging affect corpses, too?
Just asking to know if I still count as a pedophile or not!
I had a friend who was a dwarf. He committed suicide. He jumped off a curb.
Some people say I like heights; others say I'm a daredevil.
In reality, I like killing myself.
I make suicidal jokes because I am a suicidal joke. And now for my closing act at the end of the rope.
Q: What's yellow and floats?
A: A bus full of children.
I never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
What does a Travis Scott concert and the Titanic cabin have in common? The music doesn’t stop when people start dying.
That moment when the emo kid hangs himself in a bathroom stall, and the autistic kid thinks it's a pinata.
Technoblade would love it here.
If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.