Death jokes
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.