If you give someone a plane ticket, they will fly for a day, but if you push them out of a plane, they'll fly for the rest of their life.
What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?
Billy's jeans.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."
"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."
"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."
"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."
"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."
"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."
"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."
What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?
A baby with burst armbands.
Last time I talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks, “What’s so magical about it?” The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk, Superman.”
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
People told Kobe to fly high. Look what happened.
My old platoon sergeant always told me the hardest thing when walking through a field of dead babies was... his cock.
If you bet on Russian roulette, even if you win, you still lose.
A miscarriage always brings the child out in me.
