Death jokes
What's hard about walking through a bunch of dead babies?
My dick.
Are you going to jump? Can I jump with you?
Why did the dead baby cross the road?
It was strapped to the chicken.
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
People need to stop taking life so seriously. After all, no one gets out alive!
Why did the skeleton not go to the dance?
Because he had no BODY to go with!
Stephen Hawking didn’t die. His charger broke.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
Can I die?
My uncle died on 9/11. At least he died doing what he loved, flying planes.
Bullets.
Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.
Cremation:
My last hope for a smoking hot body.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because he forgot to plug in the charger.
I was gardening and found a chest full of blood... I forgot I was in the cemetery.
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
What did Michael Jackson say?
Nothing, he's dead.
They finally released the audio recording from the black box in Kobe’s helicopter.
Apparently when the helicopter caught fire, Kobe was sitting right next to the only fire extinguisher. You could hear everyone screaming for him to put out the fire, but he couldn’t figure out how to use it. They begged and pleaded for him to give the extinguisher to anyone else... the last thing you hear is Kobe saying “I’d rather die than pass it!”