Death jokes
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
Why did the orphan cry? Because he was an orphan and he watched his parents die.
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
Why should you put an orphanage by a cemetery?
So they can always see their parents.
A bullet is like an arrow.
Nothing can stop it from going through your head.
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby? The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
What do you do with a dead chemist?
You Ni-tro-gen!
What's the difference between oxygen and children? I don't have oxygen in my basement.
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.
One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.