Death jokes
"Abortion: Another word for dying at spawn."
How many dead hookers does it take to change a light bulb?
Definitely not 13, because my basement is still dark.
How do you make a plumber cry?
Kill his whole family.
He is dead.
Why can't dinosaurs talk?
Because they are all dead.
jake in influencer land be like (meme i made)
Orphan: I fucked your mom.
Kid: At least mine survived from it.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Fastest story readers are 9/11 victims.
They went through 87 stories in 7 seconds.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
What did Stevie Wonder see when he got murdered?
Nothing.
This is not really a joke, but it's a question.
If life is a movie, then is death life? Is we seeing the trailer right now?
What’s the difference between a retard and a zombie? Nothing much, they both dribble, moan, are hungry, walk weirdly, and it takes a bullet in the head to put them both down.
*Coughs roughly* Oh my God, it hurts so much. I can't see. It burns! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! Help!!! *Weakly*
What is the world's strongest material?
The tree that Paul Walker hit.
Don't make Iran jokes. My mom died by a rocket launcher. She was the best sharp shooter in the Iranian army.
Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
What does a dead baby look like?
I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate.
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
"Yes, officer! It was a requirement to run over that child. It matched perfectly with the beat drop!"
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"