Death jokes
I wanna die.
Where do mathematicians go to die?
The symmetry.
How many dead children does it take to change the light in a basement?
More than ten, apparently.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest completely full of gold coins.
I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
what do you call it when a person dies in Panera Bread?
Panera dead.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
Hey, my grandfather was part of WWII. Yeah. He killed Hitler!
When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)
What song did the Titanic victims listen to as they died?
Ice, Ice Baby!!
The IRS hates when you don't have to pay your taxes with this one mind-blowing trick.
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
Other girls want a guy who is 6ft, but does me being 6ft under count?
A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.
I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.
New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.
Students: Damn.
Teacher: Is anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
Q: What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said to Courtney Love before he died?
A: “Holes gonna be big.”
What do you call a decapitated politician?
A severed head of state.