Death jokes
There are plenty more fish in the sea is the last thing you should say to a necrophiliac.
I want to be like pizza so I can get cut into 8 pieces.
What do you call the nun that hates?
For Paul Walker, Mother Teresa.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Suicide.
Suicide who?
Suicide you.
How is Stephen Hawking dead?
His Windows shit down.
Where did Lucy go after the bombing?
Everywhere.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
Why did the chicken want to cross the road? Because he was suicidal and wanted to get hit by a car.
Why are orphans good at math? Because they can subtract their parents from the family.
Me: *stabs vampire*
Wife: omg
Me: *beats vampire to death*
Wife: OMG
Me: What?
Wife: You're supposed to give them candy!
Me: Well, that's a sticky situation now, isn't it, Barbara?
What do Spider-Man and suicidal people have in common?
They both hang.
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
Did you know Princess Diana had dandruff?
Yea, they found her “head and shoulders“ on the backseat of her car.
What’s the difference between a pile of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
I fucked your mom, oh wait, you don't have one.
Parents...
My dad and I were fishing one day.
That’s where he met my stepmom.
What is George Floyd's pickup line?
You are breathtaking.