Death jokes
Before my grandad died, he whispered to me, "Is your uncle still in the basement?" I said he has died. Oh, my grandad said, "I will lock him in heaven's basement."
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
A young boy is stood on the top of a cliff crying. A priest approaches and says, "Why are you crying my son?" "My parents just crashed the car off the cliff and died." "It's just not your day today is it?" Said the priest, unbuttoning his flies.
Joaquin Phoenix as The Joker is like Heath Ledger if he overdosed on prescription drugs... Oh, wait. He already did.
What was the last thing that crossed Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
Knock knock.
Who's there? It's the Grim Reaper.
Grim Reaper who?
The Grim Reaper who is about to come in your house, smoke some weed, drink some Grim Reaper liquor, and then get drunk.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
What's the difference between your dad and cancer?
Cancer came back...
I bought a coffin on Black Friday. It was a killer deal.
What do you call an orphan living with ghosts?
A happy family.
If you give a man a match, he is warm for the night, but if you light a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life. :)
Welcome to David's Morgue, you stab 'em, we slab 'em!
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Boy 1: "Sonic is a fictional character."
Boy 2: "Yeah, just like your dad."
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"
A man is telling his story to someone. "My friends always said that they would kill me if I wore Gucci or Supreme. On April 1st, I wore both and conversed with them."
"Interesting."
"That's the story of how I got to the morgue," he says to The Gatekeeper of Heaven.
George Floyd was in a TV show, Fresh Prince, with no air.