Death jokes
I heard Microsoft got charged, why?
They couldn’t reboot Stephen Hawking.
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
What do emos do?
Hang.
Yo mama so fat, she died!
If cancer was a person I’d shake their hand and say: "Thank you for your service."
Sorry if it’s too far, but don’t come here if you can’t take it.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
You know what should give up and stay dead?
Fortnite.
Every woman will die in five seconds.
Mother: Dies.
Sister: Dies.
Girlfriend: Lives.
You: 🤬
My grandpa said my generation relies too much on technology.
Then I unplugged his life support. :)
Are you a toaster?
Because I wanna take a bath with you.
My friend died from Ligma!
Ligma balls.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
Alahu-Akbar.
Why is your nan gay? Because she's an orphan.
A man drinks beer and jumps off a tower, and he's okay. The other guy says, "Whoa, how'd you do that?"
He does it again, so the guy gets a beer, the same beer, and jumps off. He died.
The bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says, "Superman, you're a real butthole whenever you're drunk."
The flag at NAMBLA headquarters is flying at half mast.
What’s the difference between the baby I just stabbed and Isaac Newton?
Isaac Newton died a virgin.
How's George Floyd doing these days? Being drug-free for a year, he must be feeling pretty swell.
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.