Death jokes
What did one skeleton say to another?
...nothing... they are dead... what did you expect?
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders in the glove box.
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
Coworker: Knock knock.
Orphan: Who's there?
Coworker: Not your parents.
My dead grandfather!!!!
When you tell an orphan, "I did your mom in your home," and they start crying.
Me: You f&*k up.
The class: Oh sh!&
I asked an orphan where his parents were. Then I remembered, they're gone.
How did the lesbian die? Homicide.
Kobe never missed a shot, but he missed the helipad.
I'm going to hell!
Yesterday I saw an orphan walking down the street. I asked him if he was ok. He said no, so I asked him if he needed help. And he said yes, so I let him in my car and said, "Don't worry, you'll be home with your parents soon." He said my parents died. I said I know.
Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly. I took one shot, puffed through my pipe, and jumped in the air on a trampoline. I woke up in heaven.
I asked an angel, "How did I die?"
"Well, little monkey, you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head. Your mom called the doctor, and the doctor said you were dead."
My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.
My grandma just died from cancer.
My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His core i5 Overheated. XD
The only reason Stephen Hawking died was because he saw the end.
What am I gonna do on the 5th anniversary of the Parkland shooting?
Shoot a load in you just like I shot those kids ;)
What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?
The flowers actually get picked.
Make a wish kid: I want to meet Mac Miller.
Make a wish staff: You will soon, chief.