Death jokes

Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!

All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.

"911, I just crashed my car. I think it's burning. I can't see. It hurts to breathe."

I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

What do you do when your cat's dead?

Play with the neighbor's pussy instead.

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?

Everywhere.

Did you hear about the dead artist?

Too many strokes.

If a pregnant emo kills herself, is that murder-suicide or just abortion?

Desmend: FLY

Draco: FLY

Me: DIE

Did you know Paul Walker had dandruff?

Neither did I until I found his Head and Shoulders in the glove compartment.

I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"

What is old, cold, and alone?

An orphan's parents.

My parents are like the Twin Towers, only one came back.

The Earth was flat until yo mama buried herself.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.

The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”

Stephen Hawking is ALIVE!

My dad died in 9/11. At least he did what he loves best: flying planes.

If an orphan has a nightmare, they should run to their parents. Oh wait!

High school crush: Why do you always look so sad?

Me: My mom is dead, and my favorite grandma, and my uncle killed both of them, and now he's in jail.

High school crush: Shit. Sorry about that.

Me: And my crush hasn't asked me out.

High school crush: Who is it?

Me: You.

Him: Goodbye (as he runs away and never comes back)

Me: Fuck that.