Death jokes

How did Michael Jackson die?

Because he danced like a zombie!

You're an orphan.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

What's one thing you should never ask a suicidal person? "Are you okay?" because the next day they'll either be dead or have a lot more cuts than they started with.

To those who are dead now, was it fun?

The 2nd worst thing that happened to an orphan was finding out the milk man passed.

Shia Mehdi unlived by beard guy looooool 🤨

A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.

"My paternal uncle died three months ago."

"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My maternal uncle died two months ago."

"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

"My father died last month."

"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"

"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."

"Then what's the matter?"

With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"

What's a dead person's favorite sentence?

"I made it."

What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?

Hug his parents.

What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?

I know how to use an exercise band.

What happened when the 400+ women ate a slice of cake?

She died the next weekend.

April Fool's Day: Go tell an orphan their parents are back.

Orphan: Where... Oh.

"Why didn't the skeleton climb the mountain?"

"It didn't have the guts!"

This joke is unavailable due to the National Period of Mourning. Please return to this page on the 19th of September.

R.I.P. Queen Elizabeth II. 1926-2022.

My friend is upset with me because I sniffed his grandmother's nickers. Not sure if it was because she was still wearing them or if it was because the whole family was watching. Either way, the rest of her funeral was really awkward.

A boy tried to give a tree a high-five, but instead, he ended up hanging.

What is white, black, and red and can't fit through a revolving door?

A nun with a spear through her head!

A man complains to a slave dealer: "The slave you sold me died!"

"By the gods," replies the dealer, "he never did that when I owned him!"

What's the difference between a BMW and a pile of dead babies?

I don't have a BMW in my garage.

Yo mama's so fat, Darth Vader wanted her to be the Death Star!