Death jokes
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.
We finally have something in common with Africa. They die of starvation, we die of overeating.
Teacher: We have a new student today class, come introduce yourself.
Student: My name is Buttitches.
Teacher: Please tell us your real name.
Student: Buttitches.
Teacher: I’m calling the police.
Police: Son, please tell me your real name or I’m going to shoot you.
Student: Buttitches.
Police: *shoots gun.*
A few days later, the police go to the funeral and sits behind the mom. While crying, the mom says, "My Buttitches!" The police say, "We’ll scratch it, lady."
What’s the difference between Juice WRLD and George Floyd?
Nothing, they both can’t breathe.
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
Why wasn’t the orphan able to finish his cereal?
His parents never brought back the milk.
How do you know your baby is dead?
It stopped screaming after not feeding the bastard for a month.
What did one ghost say to the other?
"Get a life!"
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa, not screaming in terror like all the passengers on the plane he was flying.
Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.
Man: I wish not to die a virgin.
Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!
As tragic as school shootings are, it's also a quick way to a late-term abortion.
What do you do when you see a naked dead girl?
Check your map, you're obviously going in circles.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He tried to download a free version of Windows.
What makes a child an orphan?
Their parents left them for good. :D
Rape victim: I want to die.
Man: Hang in there.
Rape victim: That's what I'll do, I'll hang myself.
My dog died. I'm so sad.
What's Yellow and can't swim?
A bus full of dead babies.
One of my friends named Jill had a drug overdose.
She didn’t have any of that drug after that. For the rest of her life, she acted very high. When she died, it was because of natural causes, not the drug. So this proves that a lethal dose is also a life time supply.
"Go big or go home," that’s what some people say.
"Go loud and proud," that’s what other people say.
"Go out with a big, loud bang!" that’s what I say.
A few days after her husband’s death, a widow accidentally receives an email from a man waiting for his wife in Spain.
The email reads: "Dearest Wife, just got checked in. Everything [is] prepared for your arrival tomorrow. P. S. It’s really hot down here!"