Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Why did the democrats come out of the closet as assholes after they found out that Rush Limbaugh died? Because they don't fear him anymore.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
A woman marries a man and has 7 children. The husband dies, and she marries another man. She has another 7 children, and later the husband dies. A year later she gets married again, and has another 7 children. She dies after a few months.
At the funeral, a man sees the priest looking at the heavens. He walks over and hears the man say, "They're finally together again." The man looks at the priest and says, "With her husband?" The priest looks at the man and says, "No, her legs."
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
