Death jokes
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"Hi, welcome to Bob's Taco Shack and Funeral Home, where yesterday's grief is today's beef."
How do you know an orphan is telling the truth?
When they swear on their mother's grave!
Cut.
Three people explored the jungles, one was from France, one from Britain, and the other from America.
While exploring, they were captured by the tribe living there. The tribesmen told the three, "You three have invaded our territory, so we must kill you and use your bodies to create canoes. However, we aren't that heartless, so we'll let you choose your deaths."
So the French guy asked for a gun, pointed to his head, and said "Viva la France!" and shot himself. The Britain guy requested poison and said, "For the Queen!" and drank the poison. Lastly, the American asked for a spoon. The tribesmen were confused but still gave him the spoon. When the American got the spoon, he started stabbing himself, "Try make a canoe out of this one!"
What has two legs, two arms, one dead and covered in red?
My ex-wife.
My dad died in 9/11. He was the best pilot I have ever seen, though.
20 fridges are loaded onto a plane, only 19 come off. Okay, moving on. You took too long.
How many steps does it take to put an elephant into a fridge? (*Their reply* I don't know how many.)
3, Open the fridge, put the elephant into the fridge, and close the door. How do you put a giraffe into the fridge? (*Their reply* 3...)
Wrong. 4, Open the fridge, take out the elephant, put in the giraffe, and close the door. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A fridge fell on her.
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
Are you a bullet?
*gets shot*
A guy was dying after getting stabbed in a church. He said to the priest, "Please say a prayer for me," and the priest said, "I ain’t got nun left." Then he died.
Juice WRLD died a legend. Making these jokes won't get you anywhere. Grow up.
I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.
... It was a bittersweet victory.
How's your dad?
What? I forgot he's still sleeping.
If Stephen Hawking was walking, they would have a hawk problem.
Yo momma so fat she died at 5. Her kids, f
* * *
I asked an orphan where his parents were.
(God, I wish I knew)
What was the first thing that went through the 9/11 victims' heads?
Their ankles.
There was an animal on my porch, then I shot it in the head. It was strange that it had coffee in its hand. I flipped it over, and it was an animal, but it looked a lot like my kid.
What's the difference between cancer and me?
My dad didn't beat cancer... Whelp, I guess I stole that one.
What's the worst thing you can say to a widow?
"I'm sorry, I just had to."