Death jokes
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
What does Madeleine McCann and my old Xbox have in common?
They both died with red rings.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
[being buried alive]
Murderer: *out of breath* How are you eating the dirt so quickly?
I want to die peacefully like my uncle, but I don’t own a car or have a garage.
Why did the orphan commit suicide?
So he could find home.
What do you call a gay kid that killed himself?
A byebyesexual.
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500 meters of a school?
Because he's dead.