Death jokes
My uncle said he wants to be a dinosaur. I said why... he said so I could be extinct 😭😭
A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.
A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"
She says, "I'm going to jump!"
The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"
The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"
The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Q: If George Washington was alive today, what would he do?
A: Scratch mercilessly at the coffin walls, while screaming at the top of his lungs!
Memes
I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.
My friend died from an allergic reaction. He gave me an EpiPen while he was dying, so now I have something to remember him from.
What first went through Sally's mind when the Nazis came? - A bullet.
Tombstone engraving: "I TOLD you I was sick!"
What's the last thing emos feel before they die? Rope burn.
2020 was the first time Kobe had passed in years.
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a trash compactor.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? - 'Cause she wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What do you call a bunch of depressed kids with AK47s?
Suicide squad. 😂😂😂
What's white and bloody?
Two doves in a trash compactor. Talk about a failed marriage.
If you turn the word "racecar" backwards, it says "racecar".
But if you turn the racecar sideways, you have Paul Walker's blood on your hands.
What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?
There is no difference.
They both got split open by a huge log.
Why do orphans go to the ancient pyramids for vacation?
In hope to find a mummy.
I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”
You are walking through the woods when you cross a woman who has been raped and beheaded. What is the first thing you do?
Check your map, you’re obviously going in circles.