Death jokes
Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.
American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"
Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"
German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"
What's the hardest part of running through a field of dead babies?
My boner.
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.