Death jokes
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
Kurt Cobain didn't mean to kill himself. He was just so high he thought the shotgun was a bong.
His lyrics are so ironic but so true. "I'm not coming back". "I swear I don't have a gun."
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
During a discussion at Sunday school, a nun asks the children what they think God takes you by when you die. A kid responds, "I think God takes you by your feet, because once I walked into my parents' room and my mom's feet were in the air and she was screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!!!"
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
I ran over three disabled kids.
"Cripple kill."
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.