Death jokes

How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.

But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.

Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.

What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?

Icy dead people.

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?

I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.

I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

America's funniest home videos.

Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.

Who will be told? Oh wait.

Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?

I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.

I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.

"Are you getting the knife?"

Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?

Because his wife died.

I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.

Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.

Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."

I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"

Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.