Death jokes
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
A man walks into a library and asks to borrow a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says, “No, you won’t bring it back.”
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
Memes
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
A missile hit a hospital earlier this morning. Fortunately, no one was injured - but 100 were killed.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
I'll always remember my grandpa's last words.
"Are you getting the knife?"
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"
Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.
How to know if your wife is dead? Well, the sex is still trash, but the dishes really start to pile up.