Death jokes
I tried to warn my son about playing Russian roulette. It went in one ear and out the other.
A woman approached me in the street the other day with one of those charity collection buckets and asked me: Do you know how often people die from AIDS?
I said: Now I'm no expert, but I think it's only once.
Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.
1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.
A leaf and a depressed kid fall from a building. Which hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stops the depressed kid.
How do necrophiles get consent? A ouija board.
I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.
What's the difference between an emo kid and a leaf? Only the leaf reaches the ground.
If I eat a poisonous potato, it attacks my immune system and I die.
But if I poison a poisonous potato, then eat it, then I won't die because the potato is already dead and can't attack my immune system.
What do the films The Sixth Sense and Titanic have in common?
Icy dead people.
Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.
My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.
What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?
America's funniest home videos.
Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.
Who will be told? Oh wait.
Do emo kids get jealous of their phone when it dies?
I was gonna tell a dead baby joke, but I decided to abort.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle?
Because his wife died.
I would make a Paul Walker joke, but it would crash and burn.
Why does Hitler deserve heaven? Because he killed Hitler.
Where do feminists go when they die? "Hell's Kitchen."
I still remember my grandpa's last words; "Is that loaded?"