Death

Death jokes

People

Old people kept saying "you're next" to me at weddings, so I started saying it to them at funerals.

Suicide

What do you call an emo kid's suicide live stream?

America's funniest home videos.

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  • Orphan

    Guys, stop making jokes about orphan's parents.

    Who will be told? Oh wait.

    Suicide

    I got a lot running through my head right now. I wish at least one was a 12-gauge round.

    Rape

    Why is rape worse than death?

    Because dead people get way more attention.

  • 1
  • Suicide

    A beautiful woman is on the ledge of a bridge about to commit suicide.

    A homeless man walks by her and says, "What are you doing?"

    She says, "I'm going to jump!"

    The homeless man says, "If you're going to kill yourself, do you wanna have sex with me first?"

    The woman replies, "No way, creep! Never that!"

    The homeless man doesn't seem bothered and says, "That's fine, I'll just wait 'til you're at the bottom."

    Necrophiliac

    Place a man in a morgue, he'll try to leave.

    Place a doctor in a morgue, he'll go to work.

    Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he'll stay happy for a week.

    Difference

    What's the difference between Paul Walker's car and a petite white girl?

    There is no difference.

    They both got split open by a huge log.

    Dandruff

    Did you know Cobain had dandruff? Yep. They found his head and shoulders all over the back of his couch.

    Dump

    Boy: "My girlfriend didn't dump me, I dumped her..."

    Off the nearby cliff.

    Sibling

    This is how my mom always threatens me: "I brought you into this world, I can bring you out of it too." That's why I only have 2 siblings left.

    I wonder where the bodies are?

    H20

    Two men walked into a bar, and one man asked for H20, and the other man asked for H20 too.

    Only one man came out alive.