My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
what's the difference between an emo and an apple? the apple falls to the ground while the emo just hangs there.
Tried committing suicide last night...
Never doing that shit again, I almost killed myself!
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
How do you make a sad person jump?
A bridge.
I'd tell a necrophilia joke, but they've been done to death.
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Where do suicide bombers go after death?
Everywhere.
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
I bought my blind friend a house on the edge of a cliff.
They died of happiness and a 30 story fall.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish, feed him for a lifetime.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Sally threw herself a birthday party, and only one person showed up. Who is it?
The grim reaper.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
