Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
Death Jokes
What's the difference between necrophilia and a choking fetish? 15 seconds.
What did the baby cow say to the mommy cow when he saw a hamburger?
"Mommy, is that Uncle Joe?"
Don't be scared of skeletons.
They don't have the guts for murder.
I will pay someone to kill me.
I asked an emo girl, "Do you ever get jealous of your phone when it dies?"
Mom: Quit making suicidal jokes!
Me: Don't worry, it will all be over soon, Mom!
Mom: ❓❓❓
I told a crippled guy he is immortal because he can't kick the bucket.
My dad just found out and told my mom about one of their friends, Chad, who just murdered his wife, Claire. After doing that, he turned the gun on himself and committed suicide right after.
My mom's reply: "Jesus, Chad will do anything to get out of cleaning his mess, won't he?"
I was crying when Sasha died in AOT, I also got jealous.
what did the suicidal kid say to the tree?
don't leave me hanging.
Where do suicide bombers go after death?
Everywhere.
I still remember the last thing my grandfather said before kicking the bucket: "Hey, wanna see how far I can kick this bucket?"
Where does the orphan go when he's done with school? To the cemetery.
Welcome to Morgan's Morgue and Pizzeria where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!
What did the grim reaper say when his favorite car commercial came on? "Safe life repair, safe life replace!"
A man wakes from a coma. His wife changes out of her black clothes and, irritated, remarks, “I really cannot depend on you in anything, can I!”
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news.
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: I've got you flowers.
Patient: Awww, What's the bad news?
Doctor: They're for your grave.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
My initials are K.M.C.
Which could also stand for "Kill Main Character".
Which I am planning to do in this book I’m writing.
I’m writing an autobiography.
