Death jokes
A leaf and an emo fall from a tree, who hits the ground first?
The leaf, the rope stopped the emo.
What do you call a dead pine tree? A Nevergreen!
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
Why did lil Susie fall off the swing? She didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Not lil Susie.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
what was Juice WRLD before he was famous?
Answer: alive.
Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.
What’s the difference between Nelson Mandela and Paul Walker?
They both died at 95.
What's the best part about a dead hooker? The second hour is free!
You know what an emo gets for his birthday? A rope.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? He didn't pay his electricity bills.
I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he rest in peace.
A man died and went to heaven. Every time you cheat, you get a worse car.
The first man cheated 5 times; he got a Jeep. The second man cheated 3 times; he got a BMW. The third man never cheated; he got a Lamborghini.
The second man saw the third man sad. He said, "Why are you sad?" The third man said, "I saw my wife with a scooter."
How do you get 500 babies in a phone booth?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
A straw.
I saw an emo orphan by a tree, and I was going to give it a high-five, but instead I just let it hang.
My poem, roses are red, violets are blue. I will die very soon. 🔪
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
I'll never forget my grandpa's last words.
"Are you still holding the ladder?"