Death jokes
I guess the queen ran out of totems of undying.
Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.
Bro, if I die, I want to die blown up by 34 pounds of C4 at a furry convention.
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........
My uncle died on 9/11. Her last words were "Allahu Akbar."
Why should cemeteries be built next to orphanages?
So the orphans can see their parents.
I have a fish that can breakdance! Only once though, and only for 20 seconds...
Where do you go when food dies?
A fooderal.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
I’m rather relaxed about death.
From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.
What’s red and white and black all over?
A dead white man at night time!
If the noose breaks, stab yourself!
If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!
If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
I got jealous when my phone died.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.