Death jokes
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.
Why is death taken so lightly?
Because you can take it so quickly.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
His PC overheated.
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
Why don't orphans learn about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To cut through traffic.
End everything and your life, Steven Roca!
My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?
I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
The details are SKETCHY! :)
Random Kid: Aye man where was Kobe flying to?
Launch Site: Umm, he might have gone too close to here, sorry if he might have crashed...
Your forehead so big, I think that's what Kobe crashed into.
My grandfather said my generation relies too much on the latest technology. So I unplugged his life support.
It's important to have a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between "antidote" and "anecdote," one of my best friends would still be alive.
Who's Paul Walker's close friend?
Tree.
Your loved one dies and you call the Coroner's office. They answer, "Hello, this is Benny from the Coroner's office, you stab 'em, we slab 'em, how may I be of service?"
Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"
Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"
Boy: "What do you mean?"
Friend and me: "We can show you."
Me: "I will tie the rope."
Friend: "I will push the chair."