Death jokes

What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."

They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.

Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.

Who's the world's fastest reader?

9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.

What's worse than 1 tree with 10,000 dead babies on it?

1 baby on 10,000 trees.

As the car crashed, someone said, "I see a light!"

Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?

There, there, over there, and over here too.

What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?

Cot death.

What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?

A lazy bones!

I don't like them white, pale, always talking about death EMO kids!

Sorry, I meant CHEMO kids.

Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?

Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈

How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?

Cremation.

She asked me if I was hung like a horse, but I said no.

I'm hung like a person who wants to die, but then the rope broke.

I've had conversations with many people. Some of them were drier than my dad's ashes.

How do pigs kill themselves?

They commit Kermit-cide.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'

If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?

What did Kobe say to the helicopter?

"Don't crash!"

Kobe: "Don't crash!"

Helicopter: *Crashes*