Death jokes
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
I can't believe my friends. They killed themselves without me!
What was Stephen Hawking's last message before he died: "Server shutting down."
Who's the world's fastest reader?
9/11 victims. They went through 90 stories in 60 seconds.
Why did the skeleton cross the road? To prove he had guts! :)
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
How do pigs kill themselves?
They commit Kermit-cide.
I started a company making coffins. The slogan? 'We're dying to meet you.'
If a woman named Susan gets murdered, is it considered a Sue-icide?
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
What happened to the chicken when he crossed the road? He didn't. He got run over by a truck.
I was going to charge my phone, so I pulled a plug and put it in. Then, my grandpa wasn't breathing anymore.
What kind of punch takes out 20 children and 8 adults? A Sandy Hook.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
Kobe: "Don't crash!"
Helicopter: *Crashes*
What did Kobe say to the helicopter?
"Don't crash!"
Someone prank calls a general. The general hangs up and goes, "Kids these days have no respect for their elders. That's why I send them all to die."