Death jokes

What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?

The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.

Luca’s Mom and Dad be throwing the kids into the fountain in the city, but they're sea monsters, so if they went to jail for that, they would be on death row anyway. 🤣

Mom: “Guess where I’m taking you, son!”

Son: “To the playground?”

Mom: “No, to the morgue.”

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

My friend died. Me and my other bestie start singing the coffin song. My bestie in the coffin, why are you not sad? Why are you still alive?

How did Stephen Hawking die?

His PC overheated.

Wanna suck my dick?

No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

Your Nan is dead.

I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.

He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"

Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"

What’s the last balloon George Floyd blew up? His heroin balloon.

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!

Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.

Teacher: Why not?

Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?

Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.

What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"

I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.

Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?

Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.

What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?

"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"

What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?

Josef Vasicek.