How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
Death Jokes
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
How long does it take for 10 dead babies to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them.
A man asks to play kick the bucket (not death).
The other man agrees. They go to the top of Mt. Everest. The man who asked ties the bucket to the other one's foot. Then he kicks it off the cliff, which brings the man with it. LOL
THE END
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
I asked someone why they were crying. They told me that they had to abort their twins.
Then someone yelled "DAMN DOUBLE HOMICIDE!"
Health commercials be like:
Serious side effects can cause:
Nausea, diarrhea, vomiting, chills, fever, cancer, diabetes, AIDS, chlamydia, lupus, Ebola, polio, leprosy, pulmonary edema, heart attack, heart failure, yellow fever, but worst of all, DEATH!
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
What do the Twin Towers and murder victims have in common?
Both were owned by their own kind.
Why did Sally die? She got stabbed by her mum.
Me playing a game........ What, did God just stop our hearts because he didn't kill everybody?
Why did lil Timmy drop his lollies?
He was hit by a train.
My dog was hungry, so I let him loose outside while I filled his bowl.
I found out later that he was run over by a truck. It seemed to really hit the Spot.
I was digging in my garden when I found a treasure chest full of gold. I was about to run inside and tell my wife, but then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
Q. What do you call a CEO that's been shot in the head?
A. An ambulance.
This kid was going to sleep and he said, "Night, Mum. Night, Dad. And night, Grandma, and bye, Grandpa." The next morning, Grandpa died, and the next night he said, "Night, Dad. Night, Mum. Night, Grandma." Grandma died the next morning. The next night he said, "Night, Mum, bye, Dad," and they heard the postman died because he was the dad, lol.
Your Mom so fat that she went on to commit suicide, but the roof fell off.....
My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."
Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"
Sometime ago I went to the morgue and asked if they took walk-ins.
My grandpa died in 9/11. He was a great pilot.
