Death jokes

I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.

I got jealous when my phone died.

How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home!

An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"

What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.

How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?

Tell him to clap until his parents come home.

I'll kill a bitch like the policeman did to that white woman. He chopped her up and put her in the woods, the suck fuck.

I’m rather relaxed about death.

From quite an early age, I’ve regarded it as part of the deal, the unwritten guarantee that comes with your birth certificate.

Stephen Hawking died because his screw fell out.

What’s red and white and black all over?

A dead white man at night time!

So Little Johnny saw a robbery, so he tried to stop the robber. To the robber's surprise, he was amazed. So Johnny got 20 shots to the head. The End.

If the noose breaks, stab yourself!

If the knife is dull, shoot yourself!

If the gun's out of ammo, *YOU'RE HERE TO SUFFER ETERNALLY.*

People joking about 9/11.

Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."

Oh.

"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"

What did COVID say to the American?

Nothing, it just took its breath away...

What's the difference between an orphan and a flower?

The flowers actually get picked.

Anonymous 1: Why are you crying?

Anonymous 2: No, buddy, come to my finral.

I didn't steal it. 🌚

My grandma just died from cancer.

My last words to her were “I like your cut, G.”

Harry Potter is now Harry Orphan.

How to make an orphan's feet bleed? Make them run in place until their parents get them.

What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.