Death jokes
What hit the ground first, the feather or the depressed kid?
The feather, the rope was stopping the kid.
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
Technically, suicide is murder, and murder is illegal, so if I kill myself, my body should go to jail.
An anti-bullying PSA and speeding PSA from the same creator meet one another.
The death toll went sky high.
Why did Texas freeze to death? Because they're retarded.
Once I was riding my bike and saw a $5. I jumped off and died.
Stephen Hawking died because he got unplugged from his Ethernet cord.
Why would a dead guy lie?
Because he can't stand up.
My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."
Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"
"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."
What game do emo kids love the most? Hangman.
What do you call a dead woman in the back of your car?
Idk, I just have a couple in the backseat.
Q: What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
A: A Lamborghini isn't a very fun hobby.
How does the next train stop for a depressive person? Death.
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary. If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
“Life is going swimmingly,”
“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
How can you tell if your wife is dead? -- The sex is the same, but the dishes start piling up.
When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, "You use way too much technology!" Jim then said, "No, YOU use too much technology!" and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.
I should probably stop making abortion jokes.
After all, the aborted babies aren't laughing.
I will never forget my grandpa's last words:
Alahu-Akbar.