Death jokes

Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.

Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?

Sanity to live: I don't know?

Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!

Sanity to live? *dies*

Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.

Sanity to live: *resurrected*

Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...

(sponsored by jumping bridges)

Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.

How did Stephen Hawking die?

Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!

How did Steven Hawking die?

He blew a fuse doing an update.

I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"

When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.

Where do you go when food dies?

A fooderal.

When your mum tells you to help your granny.

And you unplug life support!

What do you call two skeletons dancing in a tin can?

Noise!

I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.

The earth was once flat... until they buried your mom.

Kms.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

My grandpa is an asshole. The fucker deserved to die. The son of a bitch was using his life support, and I needed to change my iPhone.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red?

It depends on how hard you throw them.