Death jokes
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!
He got a paper cut and bled out.
One time I fucked this chick so hard, she almost came back to life.
Why did the FBI get a foster family for an orphan?
So he could be in a lovely family before death.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
Yesterday I had a party in my basement.
I got questioned a lot about 5 dead kids in the corner shut in a box. I did that when I was 13, damn I forgot about them!
My brother went missing 5 years ago. He also supported TRUMP. He is currently dead in my basement in a chest in a cupboard.
Why can’t orphans eat cereal with milk? Cause mummy never gave them some.
My friend said she was tired of seeing me every day.
So I pushed her off the side of a cliff.
Stephen Hawking died when he ran out of data for the month.
Me: Why did the bus drop his ice cream?
Sanity to live: I don't know?
Me: He was run over by Timmy!!!
Sanity to live? *dies*
Me: *At edge of bridge* Wow, sweet view.
Sanity to live: *resurrected*
Narrator: Sometimes a bridge is all you need...
(sponsored by jumping bridges)
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Someone pulled his ethernet cable (he died of a blue screen)!
How did Steven Hawking die?
He blew a fuse doing an update.
Stephen Hawking died because he did a wheelie and unplugged his charger.
I was in my guitar class and my strings were dead, and then I realized they were more dead than George Bush on November 30, 2018.
I have a saying. Whenever you find a sink, there's probably a dead baby inside it...
I'll remember my last words... "Sorry, I'm not sorry!"
Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.
David: I will surpass Kakarot!
Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*
I took my mother-in-law out yesterday.
God being a sniper is so fun!