Death jokes
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
If the US ate chicken, it would die.
An electrician walks into a green house. He sees a red room. He wonders why it's red because Kurt Cobain and his shotgun were sitting there.
“Life is going swimmingly,”
“Tell that to Whitney Houston.”
My best friend was recently gunned down in a drive-by shooting and died a virgin, but he wasn’t buried one.
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.
I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.