Death jokes
About a month ago, I was at my best friend’s funeral and I told him, "Bitches always come and go." He looked at me kinda mad, kinda confused, and said, "That’s my mom, dude."
What instrument do skeletons play?
The Trombone!
Why didn't the child go to school?
Because he died of a heroin overdose.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
What's the best thing about a prostitute dying on you during sex?
The second hour is free.
Memes
So accurate
You can find perfectly cooked Kobe in a Japanese restaurant, but you can only find burnt Kobe in Calabasas.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
What would you do if you were killed?
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.
What keeps an emo kid from hitting the ground?
The rope.
"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.
Why did the man get run over?
Ur mom XD
Why did my parents walk to the other side?
...Why?
What did Osama Bin Laden's kids not inherit after his death?
His hide-and-seek skills.
Twitter just blew my mind.
I was having a blast until I ended the stream with a bang!
If just Africa had more mosquito nets, millions of innocent mosquitoes could be saved from a horrible death of AIDS.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
Why did the FBI get a foster family for an orphan?
So he could be in a lovely family before death.
Myla, what did you do for Father's Day?
Myla: I went to a restaurant.
Timmy, what did you do for Father's Day?
Timmy: I went to a concert.
Olivia, what did you do for Father's Day?
Olivia: Talked to him through an ouija board.
Why do Orphans sleep in a double bed?
Because their parents can't!