Death jokes
Why didn't Donald Trump pick up his phone when Jeffrey Epstein called him?
Because Donald killed Jeffrey Epstein in prison to hide the evidence.
My mom said to go do the dishes, but she did them before me, so I killed myself.
How many dead babies does it take to clean my refrigerator?.....it gotta be more than 4 because the fridge is still dirty.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What do you tell someone who has depression?
Answer: Just hang in there.
My mom said I rely on my devices too much, so I unplugged her life support.
There were 500 bricks on a plane. One fell off.
Little Sally was crossing a river full of crocodiles. How did she survive the river? She had a gun. When she got out of the river, she died. Why? Because a brick fell on her head.
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
How do you die from Alzheimer's? You forget how to breathe.
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
What did Tupac's homies smoke? His ashes.
It would've been too tacky to take a shot in his memory.
The man who invented Velcro died.
RIP.
Q. What did the United Healthcare CEO say after he got shot? A. I don't know. I don't own a Ouija board.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
What did Kermit the Frog say at Jim Henson's funeral? Nothing.