Death jokes
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
I love it when cancer hits like a ton of bricks. The best part is when it kills people.
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What’s better than swinging a dead baby in circles over your head with a 5 foot rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Jesus has died on the cross to take away our sins. He has all power, but he won’t abuse it. He will help us through tough times. Have you ever felt that feeling in you that something is a bad idea? That’s Jesus. He is the savior and never let anyone say different.
Our Lord will watch us. We will go to Heaven, the promised land, only as long as we believe he’s real and always here. Don’t let anyone speak less and make you disbelieve in our Lord. This is your choice: believe and go to Heaven, or don’t believe and go to Hell, an eternal death. Make a choice.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
I asked the emo at my school if he got jealous when his phone died.
I got jealous when my phone died.
What is worse than ten dead babies nailed to a tree? One dead baby nailed to ten trees.
Why are the Twin Towers actually twins?
Their birth and death date are the same.
I hope death is a woman. That way, she'll never come for me.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home.
One day an orphan threw a boomerang, but it came back, just like its parents.
How do you get an orphan's hands to bleed?
Tell him to clap until his parents come home!
An orphan saw a tornado, and he thought he saw his mom, but then he realized it was a corpse and said, "Hi, Dad!"
What did COVID say to the American?
Nothing, it just took its breath away...
You know why you never wanna fly with an orphan?
'Cause then they know they won't die alone.
Teacher: I am an orphan.
Students: Oof.
Teacher: Is there anyone missing?
Students: Your parents!
I caught the flowers at a wedding--now married to a hot guy. But then I caught an STD at a funeral, I kinda nervo.........