Death jokes
What’s the worst thing to happen to an orphan?
Well, they weren’t always orphans.
Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
Why did the chicken cross the road? To become roadkill.
What's the difference between Captain Morgan and Amy Winehouse?
Captain Morgan comes alive when you add coke.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
Orphan: Help, I'm lost.
Someone: Wears your parents.
Orphan: >:(
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."
I'm never going bungee jumping because a cord bridged me into the world. It's not taking me out.
Teacher: I was an orphan when I was younger.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Is anyone not here?
Student: Yes, your parents.
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
Teacher: Tim, where are your parents? It's been 15 minutes!
Tim (Orphan): Yeah um, they can't come.
Teacher: Why not?
Tim: They're too busy working in heaven.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"