Death jokes
I have a friend who doesn't have a dad.
He says: "You're useless, go to hell!"
Me: "Wait, why do you want me to join your dad?"
P.l.a.n.e.
Precious lord, are nonbelievers evil?
What did Pavol Demitra think before the Yaroslavl plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, did I leave the stove on at home?"
What did Kobe Bryant and Josef Vanicek have in common?
They both won a trophy at least once, Vanicek a 1x Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes, and they also both crashed and burned in a helicopter or airplane.
I want to make another joke about Josef Vasicek, but I think if I make the NHL, I'll die in an airplane crash, so I won't risk it again.
Memes
Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
What did Josef Vasicek think before the plane hit the ground?
"Oh shit, is my name still on the Stanley Cup?"
What do you call someone who is in an airplane crash who was a 2006 Stanley Cup champion with the Carolina Hurricanes?
Josef Vasicek.
What did Stephen Hawking say when he died?
"Windows shut down sound."
Why can't ghosts stay happy? Because they are too skeletal.
I will always remember my grandfather's last words before he died: "Is that a real chainsaw?"
There's a plane crash. Every single person died.
Who lived? The married people!
Wanna suck my dick?
No? Well then I'm gonna go hang.
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
Why don't orphans learn about ancient Egypt? They don't know what mummies are.
What's worse than 100 dead babies in a skip?
The one that's still alive in the middle trying to eat its way out.
Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.
How do you make an emo jump?
A bridge.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.