Why was Josef Vasicek a Stanley Cup champion in 2006?
Because you know who was jealous and he went down in 2020.
Death Jokes
Are you dead? Because you look like my dog.
One of my earliest memories is seeing my mother's face through the oven window as we played hide and seek, and she said: "You're getting warmer!"
Who were the fastest readers? 9/11 victims. They went through 95 stories in 10 seconds.
Look, it's the dead center of town!
Do you know how to make a plumber cry?
Kill his family.
What did the people do to the deceased after tests?
They bari-um.
They say that "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach," but I find it a lot easier to go through the ribcage.
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
Mufasa is proof that cats don't always land on their feet.
Where did the children go after he stepped on the land mine?
There, there, over there, and over here too.
What's 2ft long, blue, and stiff and keeps a woman up all night?
Cot death.
What do you call a skeleton that does nothing all day?
A lazy bones!
Why did the suicide bomber get promoted?
Because he was blowing up at work. 💀😈
What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?
One does it for the cash, the other for the views.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
Me die.
Guess whose parents didn't survive?
Liv's parents.
My friend: I want to cut myself.
Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
