Death jokes
Mia: I'm pregnant again, Paul. I can't wait for you to come home.
Paul: I got a tree to hit on the way.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
Windows didn’t update in time.
"I'm sorry" and "my bad" mean the same thing, unless you're at a funeral.
Should I kill the main character's best friends in my book? It's an autobiography.
What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?
Suicide.
What do you call Darth Vader when he dies?
A black alien.
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good. He died during 9/11.
Farrah Fawcett, upon arriving at the pearly gates, God asked her, for having led such an honest life, to grant her one wish. Farrah simply requested that the children of the world would be safe.
Five hours later, Michael Jackson died.
How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends on how hard you throw them.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters, but it just wouldn't land with people...
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
My gay ass: I want to find Jesus.
Religious mom: FINALLY!
Me: Grabs a noose.
Why did the skeleton not go to the party? Because he had no body to go with.
There are times I miss you, that I wish I could remember where I hid your body.
Japanese people are so cool and organized, they have their own ways of suicide.
I asked my mom why dad was so pale and sick. She said, "Shut the fuck up and keep digging!"
What is a suicide pack's favorite song?...
Let the bodies hit the floor.
Yo mama so stupid, when her phone dies, she buries it.
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?" "Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"