Death jokes

What do you call a graveyard full of disabled people?

A cabbage patch.

What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?

"That rotten asshole split on me again!"

I was crying at school because my grandpa died. My friends asked what his last words were. I told them his last words were, "Are you still holding the ladder?"

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Cause he would never look both ways.

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

End everything and your life, Steven Roca!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To cut through traffic.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

Why did Princess Diana cross the road?

She wasn’t wearing a seat belt.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? The Wall was their last big hit.

Go up to an orphan and say: "Yer ma is deed."

So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.

My gardener found a dead body. Of the old gardener!

This is how to die soft 101.

Yo bro, you good? You need a hug?

I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!

Why do orphans die when a tornado comes?

They don't have parents to protect them.

When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.

How many thots have I bullied?

Three. The rest are dead.

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."