Death jokes

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

Are you a school? 'Cause I wanna shoot kids in you.

What does Batman have that Superman doesn't?

The ability to visit his biological parents' grave.

One of my friends got a haircut, and everyone giggled and bullied him... I didn’t, I died of laughter 😂

At weddings my mom always tells me I’m next. So I say the same to her, at funerals.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

If I died and went to heaven, do you think I’d be friends with Prince?

The only thing that makes me want to stay alive more is the thought that Prince would hate me.

What does the school shooter do after he shoots a victim? He shoots more kids in them!

Why are orphans good at dodge ball?

No one misses them.

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

Why couldn't your mom make you dinner? Because she's dead!

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Cause he would never look both ways.

I went to a store to get milk, but when I got home, there were a million cows waiting for milk, so they killed me.

What do you call a dead polar bear?

Anything, they can't hear you!

I went to the orphanage and shot everyone in there. It's not like anyone will attend their funeral.

How did the gay man die? Homicide.

What do chicken on a plancha and emos have in common?

They both are hung.

I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."