Terri Schiavo jokes

Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?

A. "Till I Collapse."

Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?

A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.

I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.

Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!

Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

Stephen Hawking's death was purely accidental. He clicked “shut-down” instead of “sleep”.

I have an EpiPen.

My friend gave it to me while he was dying.

It seemed really important to him that I have it.

Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.

They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?