Terri Schiavo jokes
Q. What is Terri Schiavo's favorite Eminem song?
A. "Till I Collapse."
Q: What's the difference between Terri Schiavo and a tomato?
A: A tomato isn't a vegetable.
I locked Terri Schiavo in the freezer.
Hey, I thought that's where you were supposed to put vegetables!
Q. What's Terri Schiavo's favorite movie?
A. The Purge.
If someone made a comedy routine about Terri Schiavo, would that be considered roasting a vegetable?
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
I have an EpiPen.
My friend gave it to me while he was dying.
It seemed really important to him that I have it.
Don't worry, Stephen Hawking isn't dead.
They have just got to copy and paste his memory onto a USB.
If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?
If Stephen Hawking was so fucking smart, why hasn't he learned to walk yet?
Ever heard of a rape victim with Alzheimer's?
Yeah, neither have they.