Death jokes
My dad died in 9/11. He was such a good pilot.
What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?
ONESY.
“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.
What did the gay necrophiliac say when his relationship ended?
"That rotten asshole split on me again!"
Juice WRLD
More like "Juice Boxed."
RIP tho.
Why did Stephen Hawking die? Someone unplugged the WiFi router.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
I just killed a family of five.
Now I’m an orphan.
What is the difference between cremation and smoking?
While you are smoking, you don't go up in smoke.
Why was Timmy the only happy person in his family?
Timmy is dead.
I turned the light on, and my dad said turn it off, so I unplugged his life support.
Why can't orphans learn about Ancient Egypt? Because they won't know what a mummy is.
What is the difference between Juice Wrld and an orphan?
One is loved by all.
I will pay someone to kill me.
What’s loud, red and goes at 200mph?
Paul Walker’s Porsche.
Being asked for advice after a failed suicide attempt:
"What advice do you have for people out there?"
As a suicide professional, don't try this at home.
Sleep, but make it forever.
Why didn't the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless.
Suicide is just self-defense. You're killing the person that tried to kill you.
So, I’m not sure if it’s a joke, but I thought it was funny. So imagine you try to die by shooting yourself, but you sneeze and pull the trigger... I don't know about you, but I would’ve been mad. Because wtf, I wasn’t readyyyy!
What’s Queen Elizabeth’s pickup line?
You’re breathtaking!