Death jokes
I feel bad for the kids at Sandy Hook. All they wanted was books, but got magazines instead.
What do you call a pig that goes to the slaughterhouse? Technoblade.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
At this point, I don't want a funeral when I commit. I just want a going away party so people have an excuse to celebrate.
A kid came to the orphanage with a dead fish. She was crying.
Why was the kid crying in the orphanage? Because someone came for the fish.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and a computer?
I give a fuck when my computer crashes.
People joking about 9/11.
Random kid: "You shouldn’t joke about that! I lost my dad on 9/11."
Oh.
"Yeah, he was the greatest pilot ever!"
The only reason he died was because Virgin Media wifi crashed.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
Two of my grandpas died in WW2.
Their tower fell over.
(1968) - Hellen Keller died, didn’t you hear?
No?
Well neither did she.
Whats the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead hookers, i don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
A woman delivers a baby. The doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. The mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging, “WHYYYY!!??”. The doctor holds the baby upside down by the ankle and says, “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.
You know Sally? She's dead now.
A skeleton decided to become an assassin.
He was always skull-king around!
Write a different joke of onions and a dead baby.
You could say Kobe's career went up in smoke.
I ate my mom.
Did Jesus die a virgin?
Of course not, he got nailed before he died!
It's way too soon for Kobe jokes.
They never land well.