Brit jokes

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

USA: "Never forget 9/11."

Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"

Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.

The British: We drive on the left side of the road.

Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*

What did the Brit say to the American?

Well here comes fascism.

Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

An Australian, an American, and a British man are on a golf course.

They're all on the green and working out their next shot when a phone starts ringing.

"Terribly sorry," says the Brit, but instead of getting out a phone, he twists his earlobe around to reveal a speaker and opens his bottom lip to reveal a microphone and takes the call.

The other two are pretty impressed, and the Brit shrugs modestly.

"State of the art British tech. Surgically implanted. Amazing stuff."

They get set to resume, but another phone goes off.

"Ugh, sorry guys," says the American, but instead of taking out his phone, he holds up his hand, taps the palm with his other hand, and it turns into a screen. As the other two watch, the American has a video call.

When he's finished, the other two are impressed, but the American waves it off.

"No biggie. Just the latest and greatest in digital communications from the good old US of A."

Again, the three are about to continue their game when there's a strange, electronic sound and, much to the other two's surprise, the Aussie runs off into the bushes.

The Brit and the American follow him and soon find the Aussie squatting down in the middle of a clearing, clothes around his ankles, bare-assed and grunting.

"What the hell..." one of them says, but the Aussie holds up his hand in apology.

"Sorry fellas, got a fax coming through..."

BLM British Lives Matter.

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.

Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

The British equivalent to 9/11 would be a big red bus crashing into Big Ben.

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.