Brit jokes

Next time you see a Brit, go up to them and say:

"Imagine losing a 'Tea Party in Boston.'"

USA: "Never forget 9/11."

Brits: "What happened on the 9th of November?"

Americans: We drive on the right side of the road.

The British: We drive on the left side of the road.

Russia: ROAD IS ROAD. *crashing noises follow*

What did the Brit say to the American?

Well here comes fascism.

Brits don't exist. Mummies can't have kids.

A Russian, a Brit, and a terrorist are in an air balloon.

First, the Russian says, "I dare to throw a stone down!" So he does that, but the others don't seem to be impressed. So the Brit says, "I dare to throw a brick down!" So again he does that, the Russian is impressed, but the terrorist laughs and says, "I dare to throw a bomb down!" So he does that and everybody can't believe what they have just seen. So a bit further, they land, and a shocked and afraid little boy comes running up to them. So they ask what happened, on which the little boy said, "I farted and my school exploded."

An American is lecturing a British person, saying things like "it's an elevator, not a lift" and "it's chips, not crisps" etc. After a while of this, the British person calmly retorted, "they're schools, not shooting ranges."

What's the difference between England’s football team and a tea bag?

The tea bag stays in the cup longer.

An Irishman, Englishman, and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint of Guinness.

Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away, and demands another pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow.

The Irishman reaches into the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers, and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya bastard! Spit it out!"

BLM British Lives Matter.

Wonder why the British are so good at chess? They have the queen.

Wonder why Americans are so bad at chess? They lost two towers.