Death jokes
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Don’t you just wanna hang around, like Chester?
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
What were Stephen Hawking's last words?
The Windows XP log out sound.
How do you know when you're near Wacko Jacko's grave? When 'Thriller' is out and about.
Two guys are captured by native Chinese. They give them two choices: 1. Death. 2. 他妈的
The first guy: What's 他妈的?
The Chinese: Fucking.
The first guy chooses death.
Second guy to himself: Well, I'll let these sick fucks fuck me. At least I'll be alive...
The Chinese: Come on, we don't have all day.
Second guy: I choose 他妈的.
The Chinese: Ok, 他妈的 to the death!
My ex died today.
I also lost my job as a butcher.
I'll always remember my dad's last words... "Why do you have an axe? We live in the city!"
What's black and white, black and white, black and white...?
A dead nun rolling down a hill.
Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.
In fact, they hang with them!
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
Why can’t Helen Keller have kids?
Answer: She’s dead.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
They unplugged the wifi.
I like my women like I like my microwaves.
Hot, ready to go when I am, and able to kill any baby I put in her.
What if plants are farming us, giving us oxygen until we die, and turn into natural fertilizer which helps them?
Why did the Orphan have imaginary parents?
Because his last parents existed.
Repeat after me: Die angle; die angle; sweetie. Angels don't die! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Orphan: "I want to kill my parents."
People: "I don't think you have the facilities for that, big man."
What are they going to say about Tim Gunn in 20 years?
He kicked the bucket.
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.