Death jokes

Most orphans were born on the highway. It’s where most accidents [happen].

Once I almost died. I'll give it another shot out of the gun to finish my job.

Hang in there, you all, Literally.

Genie: You cannot wish for more wishes, immortality, or love.

Man: I wish not to die a virgin.

Genie: I just said no wishing for immortality!

What was Juice WRLD's favorite store?

Forever 21.

How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.

Did you know Paul Walker was a method actor? He took his role very seriously as a human torch.

Who is not hungry in Africa?

A dead person.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

What is a necrophiliac's safe word?

"I'm alive!"

What is the difference between me and Paul Walker?

I’ve watched Fast and Furious Seven.

I had a boyfriend once. He broke up with me because he "wanted to be more alive." I guess it didn't work when he went to my basement.

What is the difference between a hundred dead babies and a Ferrari?

I don't have a Ferrari in my garage!

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

Kobe Bryant ain’t flying that well anymore.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Knife." "Knife, who?" "How are you still alive? I just stabbed you!"

"Hitler wasn't such a bad guy, after all, he did kill Hitler."

If I die, does my depression die with me?

Four kids at my school tried suicide and failed. They are now known as the Suicide Squad.

They all call it self-baptism. I call it failed suicide.