Death jokes
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
What's worse than 10 babies is one dumpster...
1 baby in 10 dumpsters.
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."
Why did Billy kill himself with a TV remote?
He wasn't even REMOTELY close to being happy.
It says the truth
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
Your mum is so old that when I told her to act her age, she died.
What's yellow and can't swim? A school bus full of orphans.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
Today I gave a blind guy a gun and told him it was a hair dryer. Since I have no fingerprints, the police said it was suicide. I guess you can say I took care of him!
One time a girl was telling her boyfriend if she could have sex with him for just a little bit, and he said sure, so she just started having sex. She asked him if they could have a baby, but he said sure and started going hard. She told him she was joking, but he wouldn't get off. So she did the 69, and months later, she died, and he said he thinks he killed her with sex.
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
The pinnacle of loyalty is that an ant married an elephant, and after he died, she spent her entire life burying him :)
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
What’s the difference between Diana and Casper the ghost?
Casper can go through walls, Diana can't.
How do you make a builder cry?
Kill his family.
A rich girl is flying on his helicopter when suddenly it crashes, killing everyone. What was the last thing that went through her head?
The helicopter blade!
Paul Walker made a new wrap cover, it's called "Flying Through the Windshield," and the song's name is "Crossing the Street."