Death jokes
Roses are red, I wish you were dead.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
*At A Funeral For Someone Who Jumped Off A Building* Victim's Mom: "I wonder what was the last thing that went through his head..."
Me: "Honestly... Probably his ass."
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
Someone dies.
What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?
I don't have the Ferrari.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
They never told us Humpty was an egg. A man died then!
So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.
The tree left him hanging though.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To find their parents.
What happened to the chicken after he died? He did not say anything, so I don't know.
What fell out of the tree first, the apple or the emo?
The apple, the emo was caught by the rope.
We shouldn't joke about major tragedies. My dad died in 9/11, he was Saudi Arabia's best pilot.