Death jokes
What’s the difference between dead babies and a cat?
The cat is still alive.
What’s the difference between cat food and tonight’s dinner?
Nothing, it’s all just mystery meat.
What is Beethoven doing right now?
Nothing, because he is dead.
What's the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't jizz on an apple before eating it.
Guys we should stop making orphan jokes. Their parents will get mad... oh wait... Continue 🙂
One day, in the Serengeti, a zebra started wondering if he was a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. So he goes around asking all the animals. He never gets his answer.
One fateful day, he dies and goes to Heaven. In Heaven, the zebra gets an idea. "I will go ask God!" So, he asks God, and God chuckles. "You are what you are!"
The zebra gets sad. He walks around and his dead zebra friend shows up. He asks, "What is wrong?" The zebra answers, "Well, I asked God if I was either a white horse with black stripes, or a black horse with white stripes. He just replied 'You are what you are!'"
His friend says, "Oh! You are a white horse with black stripes! Why? Because he would have said 'You is what you is!'"
Why is Stephen Hawking in hell?
He couldn't get his wheelchair up the stairway to heaven.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Someone dies.
What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?
I don't have the Ferrari.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
What was the last thing to go through the minds of 9/11 jumpers?
Their ankles.
Why can't you kill a hooker?
Because they're dead inside anyway.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
Why is it so hard to find people defending suicide in any discussion?
Because they are really committed to their cause.
Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?
Because he's too high.
Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.