You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."
Death Jokes
I wasn't close to my dad when he died.
Which was good, he died to a landmine.
Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.
He shouts “you stupid cunt!”
The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”
Dodi replies...:
“I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”
What's red all over and spins at 100 mps?
Baby in a blender.
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
What does a bullet and milk have in common? They both take out your dad.
What’s the only positive thing about Freddie Mercury’s death?
The HIV test results.
How do stars die?
Normally, an overdose.
God creates dog.
God: "You are man's best friend."
Dog: "That's pretty sexist."
God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"
Dog: "....."
God: "And chocolate kills you!"
Dog: "🐶"
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
How are corpses like pools?
Once you get in, it's only cold for like a minute.
What do you get when you die in Undertale and go to Temmie Village?
DeterMIENATION
What is a necrophiliac's safe word?
"I'm alive!"
Who is not hungry in Africa?
A dead person.
What’s the best thing about making out with dead girls?
They can’t say no.
How do you know when a fat person stops eating? You read about it in the obituary.
What's a suicidal person's favorite type of bath bomb?
A toaster.
What do you do after fucking the loosest pussy ever?
Close the casket.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
