What is the difference between a pile of dead babies and a red Ferrari?
I don't have the Ferrari.
Death Jokes
What's green and smells like ham?
Kermit the frog's fingers.
I'm thinking of getting a job as a gardener--pushing up the daisies!
Q: How did we learn cats don't land on their feet?
A: We asked Mufasa from the Lion King.
What's better than a pile of dead babies?
One that's alive in the middle that has to eat its way out.
Most people smother babies with love.
I smother them with pillows.
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
I guess you can say he xxxpired.
Roses are red, give me some limes, boy dies after masturbating 42 times.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
How many dead babies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
More than 9 because my basement is still dark.
What’s the only victimless crime you can commit? Murder, cause there’s a victim less!
I have a fish that can breakdance!
Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
How do you know cat's don't always land on their feet?
Mufasa.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
How did a blonde commit suicide?
She jumped from the basement window.
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
What's yellow and can't swim?
A school bus full of dead babies.
