Death jokes
I wanted to solve teen suicide, so I shot up a middle school.
A friend asked me, "Where are you going?"
I answered, "6 feet underground."
I remember my grandma's last words:
"What are you doing with that axe?"
You know, it's only considered murder if there's a body. Otherwise, it's just a missing person.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!
They laughed at my crayon drawing.
I laughed at their chalk outline.
Question: How did the cat cross the river?
Answer: It didn’t, it drowned.
Roses are red... Orphans are blue... I killed the priest so I could rape them too.
Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.
Some people think Bin Laden is dead, but some think he's alive.
He is the Al-Qaeda Elvis.
My true hero is the person who killed Hitler.
What's the difference between baby Jesus and the baby I keep in my basement?
Baby Jesus died a virgin.
What was the last thing that went through Princess Diana's mind?
The steering wheel.
How do you get 500 dead babies into a car?
A blender.
How do you get 500 dead babies out of a car?
A straw.
Your dick is as flat as your grandma's heart rate.
What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.
What did the kid with cancer say? "Can-I see my mom one more time?"
The reason Stephen Hawkings died is probably because he fell off his wheelchair, and he must've pressed shut down by accident.
Robin asks Batman what he is getting his parents for Christmas. Batman gets mad, slaps Robin, and runs off crying.
Now you know why Batman Beyond was born when Bruce died. cause of death: suicide