Death jokes
What do apples and witches have in common? They both hang on trees.
How many dead babies does it take to change a light bulb?
Must be more than 9, my basement is still dark!
Me and my brother were called the twin towers. My brother lived up to his title after the plane crash.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He rolled too far away from the outlet on the wall.
On the lines of "I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous,"
I'm dying to live forever!
Roses are red, violets are blue, Fortnite is dead and so are you.
A man walks into a bar, he gets a concussion.
After 2 months of recovering, the same man rushes head first into the bar. He goes into a coma.
After 2 years, he amazingly wakes up. He then gets in his car and drives into the bar at 70 mph. He dies. Did I mention he was suicidal?
I will never forget my Grandpa's last words: "What are you doing with that rope and saw?"
You should never leave a man hanging.
Unless they are still alive.
Is necrophilia considered cracking open a cold one?
What does a bar fly and a necrophiliac have in common?
They both enjoy a cold one once in a while.
What is sprinkled around the Pokémon floor? Oh right. Ash's ashes.
What's better than swinging a baby around on a rope?
Stopping it with a shovel.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To die.
"Why do people call Americans excessive?"
"It was probably because of WWII."
"Oh, you mean the war where America responded to the destruction of several ships and a harbor and the deaths of a little over a thousand by completely flattening two cities and killing hundreds of thousands of people?"
*Loud explosion inside the tank*
"Where's the commander?" "He's gone." "Where has he gone?" "All over the place."
Famous last words:
"Don't worry man, it's not even loaded."
I bet my friend $5 that he would die drowning.
A depressing but satisfying victory.
What do you call a blonde in a freezer?
Her parents called her Cindy, so we should probably continue calling her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Why did Paul Walker drown?
Because he was too busy carpooling.